A long, long time ago - sometime last year - I was at the Utah Pride Center. I was there to support a friend's tobacco prevention organization to get LGBT young people involved in taking a stand against Big Tobacco. While everyone was standing around the pizza socializing, the conversation somehow shifted to how an individual wasn't afraid of doing something that the rest of the group wasn't willing to do (the details are obviously fuzzy...). This person ended with something along the lines of, "you guys are just p-----s" (Just trying to keep it G rated, but the word is a vulgar term for female genitalia that, today, is used as a derogatory term to tell someone that they are weak, unable, afraid, etc... if that helps figure out what was said). Another person quickly responded said, "let's unpack that word. What about this group is a vagina?"
While said somewhat in jest, the intent was to draw attention and critical thought to a commonly used word that others may find offensive, especially since it attaches a negative meaning (weak, afraid, etc) to an aspect of womanhood. This is similar to other common terms, like "gay" or "retarded." Of all the things to say, why pick something that is demeaning to a group of people? Granted, most people are using these words out of habit or because it is a common/popular term and are not intending to cause harm or dehumanize a group of people. They are used out of innocence or in an effort to fit in. But they often still make others feel uncomfortable and belittled.
Now that we have that established, I want to change pace a little and bring up the response: "Let's unpack that word." I tend to hear this phrase often when associating with "inclusive circles" and those attempting to create safe spaces. It is an effort to dissect a commonly used word or phrase and understand its true meaning and whether it was accurately used in the situation. Perhaps a better, less offensive word, could be substituted: a euphemism. So, when someone says, "that's so gay!" a common response would be, "let's unpack that word... What about this conversation/activity is homosexual? How is this topic dealing with anyone's sexual attraction? Did you mean...?"
You get the idea.
That critical thought is a soft approach to help minimize or remove future offenses. We all want to feel included and not many people want to be outright offensive. So, we talk about things.
And now to my main point: I feel that the majority of my friends and associates who are seeking to be inclusive tend to look past a few offensive words. While being quick to "unpack" how "that's so gay" can be offensive, these people are also quick to use often offensive swear words in their casual conversation and brush it off as "free speech" or "a matter of expression." Many people find swear words offensive, otherwise they would not be categorized as a swear word. Yet because it isn't directly affiliating a descriptive word of a group (i.e., retard) to a negative connotation (i.e., stupid, incapable, broken), it does not need to be "unpacked" and removed from one's lexicon for an unoffensive euphemism. Like I mentioned earlier, generally speaking, most people are not saying these things to be offensive, but many people are offended. Perhaps we can all work on being more inclusive by what we say...?
I hope I am making sense. Is this a valid concern? Is it a valid point of discussion?
Let's unpack this.