Conceptual thought can be perceived as a miracle. Have you ever made the attempt to encapsulate a miracle? This is my attempt...

29 January 2011

The Urge To Write, or, Why A Memoir, Rogue?

When the world sleeps, I sit at my computer with the urge to write. I want to share all, but I am constantly left with an empty window, a blank canvas. Topics overflow in my head throughout my days, but when I want to let them out, they disappear. Some of the topics that arise in my overused mind are those same topics that I cannot create the words to describe how I feel, or even those that are not for the public eye. What is a self-proclaimed writer to do?!

---

Plenty to listen, none to hear.
Plenty to prescribe, none to heal.
If a flare shot through the night sky
it wouldn't be seen, but with a blind eye.

---

After the post of my first official memoir, "What's in a Name," I was asked by a few people to explain the name of my blog. The words "memoir" and "rogue" have many definitions, many of which are antagonists to my cause. For the sake of digging myself out of a hole that I have gotten myself in, I will take it upon myself to point out the true definitions I was going for. After all, I did think long and hard of a good name for the blog and my writings.

From the New Oxford American Dictionary:

  • memoir |ˈmemˌwär; -ˌwôr|
    • noun
    • A historical account or biography written from personal knowledge or special sources
      • An autobiography or a written account of one's memory of certain events or people.
    • An essay on a learned subject
      • The proceedings or transactions of a learned society
  • rogue |rōg|
    • noun
    • A dishonest or unprincipled man
      • a person whose behavior one disapproves of but who is nonetheless likable or attractive
    • An elephant or other large wild animal driven away or living apart from the herd and having savage or destructive tendencies
      • a person or thing that behaves in an aberrant, faulty, or unpredictable way
      • an inferior or defective specimen among many satisfactory ones, esp. a seedling or plant deviating from the standard variety

The bolded parts of the definitions are the purpose for my choosing each word - despite the fact that some would call me a large wild animal and/or dishonest and unprincipled. 

Maybe I should have thought a little longer and harder?

---

I may or may not have just covered one of my bedroom walls with a quote right now IF I had paint. Just throw it on the wall. Like, "BAM! There's a quote on my wall!" What quote, you ask?
A quote by a gentleman by the name of Mr. Winston Churchill. It goes a little somethin' somethin' like this:

"Never give in. Never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."

Thanks for tempting me, Sir Winston. Good day.

27 January 2011

Enigma of Now

Hmmm...

What to say. I have bottled up emotions, but I don't know if this is the time or the place. I am more worried about the place though. Anyway, while I have you here, might you humor me to read of my day? [found below]

Due to a broken vehicle, I was blessed with the opportunity of waking up uncomfortably early for a ride with the father to school. The alarm clock went off at 6:30, just for your information so you have an opportunity to feel my pain. Upon arriving at the school, I was able to get some things done for my meeting today, which was actually beneficial (I guess waking up so early wasn't THAT bad).

Class, class, meeting, work, hang out.

{Confession: My Biology class gives me anxiety. Every time I think about it, I get really nervous. I am so unbelievably OBLIVIOUS to anything biological. I go to class and stare at the front of the room in utter confusion as the teacher rambles on about mitochondria, chlorophyll, etc. I have my hands on my keyboard, ready to take notes at a moments notice, but at the end of class, I have nothing written. I just don't get it. I am sure I am being over dramatic (to some extent), but I am just really nervous about what this semester will bring. This is my last class to graduate, and I think I made the mistake of waiting until now to take it (you know... in case I need to take it again...). On a (semi) brighter note, I got my grade back for my first Biology exam. I got an 81.67%, which is probably the worst grade I have gotten on an exam for a long long time. But I didn't fail. So I am happy about that.
Oh, and ps - We went over chlorophyll today and I HAD to tweet the Billy Madison quote: "Chlorophyll?! It's more like BOREophyll!" Good times... "Let's get on with the BOREophyll!" }

I must say that my meeting today was one of the craziest ones I have had in a while. It was the first senate meeting for all the new senators, and we didn't have our advisor, and it was just a little off the wall! I hope they didn't get the wrong impression! But hey, we still got a bunch of stuff covered, so I am satisfied. I will now commence in my plug: The SLCC Student Senate is the greatest bunch of people EVER! I love working for them and with them. The work I do is not always easy or fun, but it is so worth it because of who I work with/for. Salt Lake Community College is an AMAZING school, and I am grateful to be a part of it. When people hear that it is a community college, they are automatically turned off, but that is their loss, because it is the best community college in the nation - heck, maybe even the world! Go Bruins!

Lastly, I had a nice chat with a close friend of mine today. We talked about the good, the bad, and the ugly. I am grateful for awesome friends who take such an incredible interest in the welfare of others. I am one lucky sucker. All apologies for those who are my friends - I'm not so welfare-ish. Just one selfish brute. Anyway, to top it off, we spent roughly a half hour playing a game on the iPads in the bookstore where you kill zombies with plants. If you have an iPad, go buy it. Prepare yourself (and your garden) for the Zombie Apocalypse.

Cheers.

26 January 2011

What's In A Name?

Sometimes I get in writing monsoons, and sometimes I get in writing droughts. The past few days have been a drought. Currently, we are in a monsoon. Two posts within 24 hours. Dang.

Now that we have that out of the way...


Though I am up and down on the spirituality meter, I like to think of myself as a spiritual guy. Yeah, I often do stupid things that God would frown upon, but I still have my faith. Most of my posts have at least a mention of something spiritual, and depending on my audience or group of people I am with, I will talk more or less about spiritual things. But when I am staring at a screen with oblivion ahead of me to fill, I feel open and willing to discuss almost anything. Almost. 


[DISLCAIMER: For the non-religious and/or non-spiritual, this post deals with my musing on what I see as spiritual matters. Regardless, I perceive the information presented as beneficial to those on every level of the spiritual spectrum to pull from, whether Atheist, Agnostic, Wiccan, Pagan, Christian, Muslim, Hindu, and/or the Religious Zealot. What I mean to say is, just because I mention spirituality doesn't mean you should stop reading. Hopefully you will get something out of it!]


Maybe if I stop going off on tangents, I might eventually get to my main points. Well, spiritual me went to a spiritual class tonight. The spiritual topics got my spirit senses tingling. Let the memoir commence:


Memoirs of a Latter-Day Rogue: What's In A Name?
A name is more than a combination of letters on a birth certificate. A name is a sacred thing. It is your identity. It is how people address you and get to know you. It is the one label that we tend to cherish above all else - One has a sense of fame and utmost value as their name is remembered by peers and acquaintances. Memories, histories, likes and dislikes, hobbies, preferences, and the epitome of THE INDIVIDUAL is wrapped up in a name. 

My name is Peter C. Moosman.

If you want to get down to the nitty gritty, you could say my name is Peter C. Moosman, Child of God and Disciple of Christ, Member of the LDS Faith, Executive Vice President of Salt Lake Community College, Citizen of the United States of America, et al.

Quite the name, eh? The interesting thing is that it is longer (and living). Yup, you got it. It changes constantly. Some of you have probably caught on to what I am saying, while others may be a little confused. Let me explain. 

Every position I hold and every mantle I carry gives me a title - an extension of my name. I have a responsibility to represent it well. It is who I am, regardless of whether it is a weekend or not, whether I am well known or unknown. I can't escape it. 
If, by some miracle, I was to leave the country and visit a foreign land (yeah, I wish!), people would EXPECT certain behavior to come from me as a US citizen. I want people to see my behavior (a positive one, of course) and have a better view of the United States than they did before they met me. Likewise, I want people to have a better view of Salt Lake Community College, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, the Family of God, and even the Moosman family.

Not only do I have the responsibility to represent it well, but I must also live up to the expectation of the name I hold. When many people hear my name, they ask me if I am related to [insert name here] Moosman. I am told over and over again how I have great parents or grandparents. I do NOT want to diminish the name of the Moosman family and what it stands for: virtue, honesty, integrity, and every other positive characteristic the Moosmans have worked to uphold. 
When I tell people that I am from Utah, I am often asked if I am Mormon. When I say yes, you better believe I am expected to act just as a Mormon would act, including the busting of myths and stereotypes rather than reinforcing them. Every mantle has an expectation. Do I fall short? Do I get by? Or do I exceed expectation and revolutionize the understanding of that mantle?

Lets dig deeper.

My name is Peter C. Moosman.

Peter is greek, meaning "rock." Growing up, I HATED this name... who wanted to be a rock? My friends had names that meant "great warrior" and other amazing meanings, while I was stuck with "a stone." Luckily, as I grew, so did my understanding. I felt that my name became a calling. I was to be a rock: a firm foundation, unmovable and bold. To this day, I think of the characteristics of my name and strive to become a better person because of it.

I was named after Simon Peter, who was one of the first Apostles of Jesus Christ, as found in the New Testament of the Bible. Big deal, right? RIGHT. It is a very big deal. Peter was the chief Apostle and took over the church after Christ was crucified. He was a special man, one to be revered. He was so revered in his day as a Man of God that people would lay their sick and afflicted in the streets, having the faith that if Peter's SHADOW were to touch them as he walked by, they would be healed [Acts 5: 15-16]. He dedicated his whole self to the service of others and the glorifying of Christ. He was humble, he was dedicated, he was compassionate.

Though I will never achieve the capacity of spiritual progression and power that Simon Peter held, I do have a great namesake to be my example. I feel that with the name I hold, I am given a responsibility to magnify the name. Peter is not just a "rock," but an "unmovable, firm foundation, defending truth and goodness in all things. A bold defender of the Faith." Yeah, a big deal.

What does your name mean? How can you find strength, conviction, and goodwill within it?


Yes, the name "Peter" has quite the mantle, but imagine carrying the weight of the name of something greater: Jesus Christ. Whether you recognize Him as the Son of God or simply an influential storyteller, one who carries his name carries a hefty responsibility. This is the King of Kings, Lord of Lord, and Only Begotten of the Father we are talking about! Who wants to put a blemish on His name? Of course, nobody would. Unfortunately, I seem to mess things up more often than not... BUT I try to keep the name clean. When we slip up, we dust ourselves off and try again.

What am I doing with Christ's name...? Like I mentioned above, as I carry the name of Christ, I am given a responsibility to magnify that name. What did Jesus Christ teach? How am I living? Are the two in harmony? I am not just talking about the obvious things about attending church and wearing a CTR ring, but what about dining with the sinners and publicans? Loving the enemies and understanding the unbeliever? Recognizing the royal blood in everyone and cherishing the opportunity to learn, grow, and testify with them. 
To clarify why I am talking about having Christ's name: I believe that by labeling myself as a Christian, and a baptized member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I have essentially taken His name upon me. "My name is Peter Moosman, Disciple of Christ." Though I do not introduce myself in this manner, I do feel that my actions, character, and countenance should. That speaks louder than any words I could say on the matter anyway.

I hope I am making sense.

Now for the confessions.... I will be the first to admit that I am one of the farthest from "Poster Child" status for the aforementioned principles. It is quite the challenge to maintain perfection, you know?! Seriously though, I have had my fair share of  detours on the road to reflecting the message and morals contained within each name I hold, from the names on my birth certificate to the names I adopt through this seemingly nonsensical life. At times they are glorified, and others they are tainted. Regardless, I have the opportunity to pull from the power-source which is a name. My name. Peter C. Moosman.

25 January 2011

One Of Those Days... Or Was It Weeks...?

I will post on Tuesday because it is still at a decent time in the week before anything else can happen!

Yup, you heard it right: it is one of those days/weeks.  But before you think anything bad happened, let me tell you that it hasn't been that horrible. I just like to be a little dramatic every once and a while. How can I really complain about anything... I have it so nice! Anyway, let me just delve in!

- Sunday rolls around and I have to teach Sunday School! I know, woe woe woe is me. I actually enjoy teaching, so the week started off great. Granted, I never think I teach well, or that my lesson goes slightly well for that matter, but just whatever. I felt pretty good about this week. We talked about prophets. We played the telephone game. Lots of class participation. I even made and brought a cup-phone! You know... two cups on a string... You speak into one and they hear what you are saying on the other end? Yeah, be jealous.

- Monday happens as most Mondays happen. I had a meeting (Faculty Senate - woot!). Then I had class, where we played some games in sign language, which was fun. Then, I had my Monday night class, Native American Culture. I don't know if I have vented about this class before, but I might take the pleasure to do so now! First off, it is taught by a white couple. With the little experience that these two have in N.A. culture, they feel like they can officially speak for every Native. Ever. Past and present. During class, they enforce every stereotype and ridiculous idea that anyone has about Indians. I sat in the back in misery. I will most likely be speaking with their department head. Just throwin' that out there! But hey, I am blessed to have the opportunity to not only attend college, but also to have the ability to learn new things constantly and voice my opinion. I am blessed to be able to attend college - and such an amazing one as well! Go Bruins! So, like I said, its not so bad!

- Which brings me to today. I was up till about 2 studying for a Biology exam, which I am pretty sure I bombed this morning. On my way to school, I slid into a curb and messed up my car pretty bad, making me late for my exam. Analysis of the damage: My steering wheel is nearly sideways when I drive straight. My tire is tilted inward. My axle or wheel arm is bent. Woot! At least I have a car to complain about. I am fortunate to have transportation to where I need and want to go! Go transportation and education! Well, I will be out of my own transportation while it is fixed, but that is besides the point.

See! So when I say that I am having a bad day, don't bother believing me... I have it made. An amazing college, an amazing job, an amazing car, amazing parents, an amazing family, amazing friends, amazing opportunities, amazing toys, etc.

Oh, PS, the legislative session started yesterday. I feel out of the loop. I don't know anything about my bills and the when/what/where/who/why. I hate that. But I am lucky to live in a country where I have an opportunity to have a say in what happens! I have a voice! And so do you! Go us!

I don't know if you know this or not, but I - along with the help of some great friends - started an organization called Project:1200 to take a stand against Big Tobacco and for Public Health. We do a lot of stuff during the legislative session, so you should join! Right now, "joining" consists of "liking" us on facebook. Do that HERE and HERE. Check out our blog HERE. Follow us on twitter HERE.

That will be it for now. Thanks for reading! I hope things are well for you, dear reader, and that my downer stories aren't scaring you away! Please come again and tell your friends!

21 January 2011

Influence

So I promised that I would share with you my superpower [the one I don't already have...].

Maybe it is a really good idea, and maybe it is not, but nonetheless: I want the superpower to be able to allow or disallow any outside influence into my life. What I mean by this is that I want to be able to decide how I am influenced. Right now, everything I see and hear, do and don't do, influences who I am. How people/society/earthlings act towards one another, themselves, et al. Even supernatural forces influence me and my blessed subconscious. For better or for worse, I am a sponge. We are all sponges. Yeah, I said that.
Now, Imagine with me being 100% conscious of EVERY ounce of influence you obtain. I choose, you choose. Timshel. Now, don't get me wrong, I get to choose how I react to certain situations and I get to choose how I respond to people. But try to deny that we are all slaves to our habits. Habits control us. Oft times we are influenced without us even realizing, until down the road we catch ourselves doing the very act. Habit-ed / Addicted.
Or what about the influence of mass media and/or society. A lot of times I think I am my own individual, but then I turn around and see a handful of other people sporting the same style, listening to the same music. Was it my own individuality that decided to act or dress a certain way, or was it subconsciously embedded into my thought process. Woah.

Sleep on that one.

---

Before I sign off (after all, it is midnight...), I just want to say one more thing. Today, we finished off interviews for the Senate. We got some stellar new senators. Unfortunately, we had to turn away a lot of stellar students that would have been stellar senators. Luckily for me, I had the opportunity to make the calls to break the news... Talk about one of the worse experiences. Ever. I hate the fact that I have to turn people away from learning and growing opportunities. Even more terrible: I had to tell someone face to face that they were no longer a senator (after a year of service). Regardless of who was in the right, it has proven to be one of the WORSE EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE. It is one thing to call up a stranger on the phone to tell them that they didn't make the position, but it is a whole different game telling a friend, face to face, that they need to pursue different opportunities. Bah. 

To top off the night, I just spent over 5 minutes trying to figure out which would be proper english in the sentences above: "worse" or "worst." I am still unsure! Who came up with this language, anyway?! 

19 January 2011

The Darkest Hour

So, I wrote this last night at 1:00am. Don't look too much into it...


Emotionless
Blank stares,
like x-ray vision,
looking off into oblivion
Into my own fears, regrets and wishes.

Trapped
in the hustling and the bustling
of the day, week, month, year.
In the silence and lonesome that haunts me

Nostalgia
It hurts and heals,
Develops and destroys.
I wish for nothing less than a pause
- A stand still -
Rather, decay consumes.

I digress.

--------------------

You think it sounds good.
Your thoughts deceive you.
There is nothing good about it - 
other than its sickening truth
written between the lines
and on my heart
[with pins and needles and sleepless nights]

--------------------------

Anyway, we have been interviewing candidates for the Student Senate this week and will finish up tomorrow. There have been some great people to come through the doors. I am bummed I can't take them all. We decided to spice things up in the interviews, and did so by adding an interview question: "If you could have a superpower, what would you have and why?" Its great to see everyones face lighten up when we ask the question (I know, we are so intimidating - and/or dry - in our interviews). I thought about it for myself and came up with a superpower. Unfortunately for you [if you want to consider it unfortunate], I am not gonna share it today. You will just need to wait until my next post, and I will write ALL ABOUT IT. Until then, what superpower would you have and why?

Over and out. 

18 January 2011

Around These Parts, It's Called "Growing Up"

A lot of my posts are about change. I suppose it may be due to the fact that I am changing: My [dis]likes, my style, my hobbies, etc.

Some say that it is because I am growing up. Whether that is true or not, I cannot say. Growing up or paying attention... whatever you wanna call it, it is happening.

With that said, the most recent acknowledgement to my "growing up" is a slight change in music likes... ok, lets get serious, it is solely dislikes. I have been listening to some music lately and thought, "you know what? I could never hear this band again and be completely ok with that." Let me share with you the list. Yes, THE LIST.

***Note: The bands mentioned below are all bands that I once listened to. Recently I have realized that, as mentioned above, "I could never hear this band again and be completely ok with that."***

Beastie Boys
"Sabotage" came on the radio the other day and I paused for a moment to listen to what was transpiring: The Beastie Boys are really obnoxious. End of story. They don't sing, but rather perform with a hybrid shout/whine/imitate a dying pig. There was so much random noise to serenade the awful tone of their voice that I had to change the station. Just then, all of their music replayed in my head, and it was far from a pleasant experience. My least favorite of the Beastie Boys is the song, "Girls." What a degrading, shallow, and tasteless piece of composition. Beastie Boys win the Most Obnoxious Music award.


Nirvana
Kings of Grunge, Nirvana is a poster-band for the 90's. Just like any other tragic death, Cobain's drove the band to new heights. If he would have maintained life, I am sure the band would have faded out quickly. Alas, it must have been the "clout" that Nirvana fans had in the music world that lead me to my acquaintance with the band, but I never seemed to connect with the obscure lyrics and what I consider to be the worst voice in music history.



Nine Inch Nails
I don't really have much to say about NIN, other than whenever they come on the radio, I find myself dry heaving and changing the station. All of their lyrics are negative and/or inappropriate, and the overall mood that is set while their music is playing is disheartening.

Jack Johnson
Every song is the same song with different lyrics. The same song. He might as well stop writing music and start with poetry. He has some decent lyrics at times, which could easily be transformed in some worthwhile poetry. Until then, maybe he can perfect his surfing skills.

Nickelback
'Nuff said.

Maroon 5
Their first hits were all about sex. I haven't really listened since, except for the fact that they are still writing cheesy love songs. They can't perform a decent show if their lives depended on it (yes, I have seen them live... and yes, I fell asleep at the show).

Owl City
I distinctly remember hearing Todd Nuke'em introduce "Fireflies" on the radio as one that reminds him of the Postal Service. I was stoked to hear it, because I highly enjoy anything Postal Service. I listened to "Fireflies" and loved it. I even loved it the second and third and fourth and fifth time. Shoot, I even enjoyed it the tenth time. So, I get my hands on a copy of the complete collection of Owl City, and was oddly surprised to hear the same song, over and over. Funny how that happens! The problem was, unlike Jack Johnson, the lyrics were absurd and pointless. You would almost wonder if Owl City is comprised of a guy in his parent's basement who wrote music on his computer in lieu of sleeping. Insomnia is a terrible thing...

Sublime
This is a bittersweet selection. To start off, I love their style. I love the genre and the feel. I just cannot stand the lyrics. The lyrics remind me too much of rap: sex, drugs, violence, repeat. Demoralizing women is their specialty (while high off drugs). Reinforcing stereotypes that men are shallow, drunk, and horny; that women are helpless sex slaves. Definitely not worth it. Sublime wins the As Tactless As Rap award.

Devo
Note to reader: I have never been a Devo fan, and never will be. I never had a period in my life that I listened to Devo music willingly. I just felt like they needed an honorable mention on my list. A band right out of the 70's who refuses to die, Devo decided to put out an album in 2010. Every time their single came on the radio, I had to scream, tweet about my disgust, and then scream again. Luckily for me, it disappeared as quickly as it surfaced.

---

Ok, when I decide I don't need something in my life any more, I tend to tear it to shreds. I apologize now for the negativity towards these musicians/bands, but it happened how it happened. I suppose I will provide a Like list in the future to act as a yin to this here yang.