Ten Months Later, or, To Share Or Not To Share

It's crazy to think that the last time I posted on my blog was ten months ago. Life was terribly different back then as compared to today - though many of those around me will not recognize the difference in me, my life, or anything else for that matter.

But things are pretty different.

My current feeling goes something like this: a blend of fear, anxiety, excitement, and childish giddiness are burning in my chest, while my stomach turns with a sense of hunger and stirred butterflies. I want to smile. I want to laugh. I want to cry and throw up a little bit. But, I want to talk to someone about the great things of life and the joys of Jesus and the intense aloneness I have felt in the past.

I want to share it all.

And then, of course, that leads me to a greater fear that my words will fall on ears closed and boarded up, a mind unable to understand the excitement and absurdity that is my life. 

The reel-to-reel in my mind plays it out perfectly. I dish it out on fancy plates with silver spoons. It's devoured - with the guest begging for a recipe and the intricacies its existence! And the giddy fear with a side of excitement and a glass of anxiety are no longer kept to myself, but has been consumed and absorbed by someone else. Mutual confusion, euphoria, and honest terror of what the future brings. 

The experience is one for the record books, let me tell you!

The performance in my mind enhances the previous emotions to the point where I am comparable to a teenybopper who just got backstage to her heartthrob's concert.

Yet, without fail, the fear of a miscalculated sentence or a fatefully closed mind overcomes the delight of the played and replayed scene.

What is a troubled soul to do?

If it was anyone else sharing this experience to me, I would be ecstatic to say, "Go for it! What is there even to question!?" But, since it is me who has to do the talking, the faith has yet to overcome the fear.

On a lighter note...

My life is incredible. Aside from the battle waging in my heart and soul as described above, things are going pretty perfectly. I am overcoming odds and challenging systems. And, as cliché as it may sound, The Man Upstairs is all to blame.

If you would have compared the Me of June 6, 2012 to the Me of June 19, 2012, we would be doppelgängers on the outside, but antonyms within. I guess you could say that Who I've Been has claimed vengeance on Who I Am, so that Who I'll Be can rise to fruition. It's like a Hollywood blockbuster. For real. Maybe we could call it September Came.

There is something to be learned in His wise words: "Pray always, that you may come off conqueror." (D&C 10:5) "...Lift up your heads, and rejoice, and put your trust in God..." (Mosiah 7:19) "...Walk in my statutes, and keep my commandments, and do them..." (Leviticus 26:3)

Call it snake oil, call it placebo, call it the Truth of the Universe. Whatever you want to call it, it works more than you would ever begin to imagine. Go ahead, give it a shot. I triple dog dare you.

Confused yet? Good.

PS: Ecstaticism isn't a word. I tried.

What's In A Name?

Sometimes I get in writing monsoons, and sometimes I get in writing droughts. The past few days have been a drought. Currently, we are in a monsoon. Two posts within 24 hours. Dang.

Now that we have that out of the way...

Though I am up and down on the spirituality meter, I like to think of myself as a spiritual guy. Yeah, I often do stupid things that God would frown upon, but I still have my faith. Most of my posts have at least a mention of something spiritual, and depending on my audience or group of people I am with, I will talk more or less about spiritual things. But when I am staring at a screen with oblivion ahead of me to fill, I feel open and willing to discuss almost anything. Almost. 

[DISLCAIMER: For the non-religious and/or non-spiritual, this post deals with my musing on what I see as spiritual matters. Regardless, I perceive the information presented as beneficial to those on every level of the spiritual spectrum to pull from, whether Atheist, Agnostic, Wiccan, Pagan, Christian, Muslim, Hindu, and/or the Religious Zealot. What I mean to say is, just because I mention spirituality doesn't mean you should stop reading. Hopefully you will get something out of it!]

Maybe if I stop going off on tangents, I might eventually get to my main points. Well, spiritual me went to a spiritual class tonight. The spiritual topics got my spirit senses tingling. Let the memoir commence:

Memoirs of a Latter-Day Rogue: What's In A Name?

A name is more than a combination of letters on a birth certificate. A name is a sacred thing. It is your identity. It is how people address you and get to know you. It is the one label that we tend to cherish above all else - One has a sense of fame and utmost value as their name is remembered by peers and acquaintances. Memories, histories, likes and dislikes, hobbies, preferences, and the epitome of THE INDIVIDUAL is wrapped up in a name. 

My name is Peter C. Moosman.

If you want to get down to the nitty gritty, you could say my name is Peter C. Moosman, Child of God and Disciple of Christ, Member of the LDS Faith, Executive Vice President of Salt Lake Community College, Citizen of the United States of America, et al.

Quite the name, eh? The interesting thing is that it is longer (and living). Yup, you got it. It changes constantly. Some of you have probably caught on to what I am saying, while others may be a little confused. Let me explain. 

Every position I hold and every mantle I carry gives me a title - an extension of my name. I have a responsibility to represent it well. It is who I am, regardless of whether it is a weekend or not, whether I am well known or unknown. I can't escape it. 

If, by some miracle, I was to leave the country and visit a foreign land (yeah, I wish!), people would EXPECT certain behavior to come from me as a US citizen. I want people to see my behavior (a positive one, of course) and have a better view of the United States than they did before they met me. Likewise, I want people to have a better view of Salt Lake Community College, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, the Family of God, and even the Moosman family.

Not only do I have the responsibility to represent it well, but I must also live up to the expectation of the name I hold. When many people hear my name, they ask me if I am related to [insert name here] Moosman. I am told over and over again how I have great parents or grandparents. I do NOT want to diminish the name of the Moosman family and what it stands for: virtue, honesty, integrity, and every other positive characteristic the Moosmans have worked to uphold. 

When I tell people that I am from Utah, I am often asked if I am Mormon. When I say yes, you better believe I am expected to act just as a Mormon would act, including the busting of myths and stereotypes rather than reinforcing them. Every mantle has an expectation. Do I fall short? Do I get by? Or do I exceed expectation and revolutionize the understanding of that mantle?

Lets dig deeper.

My name is Peter C. Moosman.

Peter is greek, meaning "rock." Growing up, I HATED this name... who wanted to be a rock? My friends had names that meant "great warrior" and other amazing meanings, while I was stuck with "a stone." Luckily, as I grew, so did my understanding. I felt that my name became a calling. I was to be a rock: a firm foundation, unmovable and bold. To this day, I think of the characteristics of my name and strive to become a better person because of it.

I was named after Simon Peter, who was one of the first Apostles of Jesus Christ, as found in the New Testament of the Bible. Big deal, right? RIGHT. It is a very big deal. Peter was the chief Apostle and took over the church after Christ was crucified. He was a special man, one to be revered. He was so revered in his day as a Man of God that people would lay their sick and afflicted in the streets, having the faith that if Peter's SHADOW were to touch them as he walked by, they would be healed [Acts 5: 15-16]. He dedicated his whole self to the service of others and the glorifying of Christ. He was humble, he was dedicated, he was compassionate.

Though I will never achieve the capacity of spiritual progression and power that Simon Peter held, I do have a great namesake to be my example. I feel that with the name I hold, I am given a responsibility to magnify the name. Peter is not just a "rock," but an "unmovable, firm foundation, defending truth and goodness in all things. A bold defender of the Faith." Yeah, a big deal.

What does your name mean? How can you find strength, conviction, and goodwill within it?

Yes, the name "Peter" has quite the mantle, but imagine carrying the weight of the name of something greater: Jesus Christ. Whether you recognize Him as the Son of God or simply an influential storyteller, one who carries his name carries a hefty responsibility. This is the King of Kings, Lord of Lord, and Only Begotten of the Father we are talking about! Who wants to put a blemish on His name? Of course, nobody would. Unfortunately, I seem to mess things up more often than not... BUT I try to keep the name clean. When we slip up, we dust ourselves off and try again.

What am I doing with Christ's name...? Like I mentioned above, as I carry the name of Christ, I am given a responsibility to magnify that name. What did Jesus Christ teach? How am I living? Are the two in harmony? I am not just talking about the obvious things about attending church and wearing a CTR ring, but what about dining with the sinners and publicans? Loving the enemies and understanding the unbeliever? Recognizing the royal blood in everyone and cherishing the opportunity to learn, grow, and testify with them. 

To clarify why I am talking about having Christ's name: I believe that by labeling myself as a Christian, and a baptized member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I have essentially taken His name upon me. "My name is Peter Moosman, Disciple of Christ." Though I do not introduce myself in this manner, I do feel that my actions, character, and countenance should. That speaks louder than any words I could say on the matter anyway.

I hope I am making sense.

Now for the confessions.... I will be the first to admit that I am one of the farthest from "Poster Child" status for the aforementioned principles. It is quite the challenge to maintain perfection, you know?! Seriously though, I have had my fair share of  detours on the road to reflecting the message and morals contained within each name I hold, from the names on my birth certificate to the names I adopt through this seemingly nonsensical life. At times they are glorified, and others they are tainted. Regardless, I have the opportunity to pull from the power-source which is a name. My name. Peter C. Moosman.

A Red Medicine Wheel is Afoot, Among Other Things.

Some of you will read this post as a nice view of various symbols. Others may see a deeper meaning on the choice of symbols presented. Either way, I hope we all grow a little more by the end. 

Each symbol explained has a special significance to me. I hope this is an effective way to present the information, and I hope that understanding will be achieved through my efforts.

[Words italicized are personal commentaries]

The Medicine Wheel

"The world and its peoples are but a huge wagon wheel, an eternal circle traversed by several spokes. The spokes represent various peoples and [cultures] of the world, each unique unto itself, yet none more important than another. None can be lengthened, none can be shortened, and none can be removed, because each spoke is necessary for the wheel to turn. Each people and each [culture] are necessary for the whole.
"Yet all spokes are united at the wheel's hub by the pervasive Maker, who is shared and touched by all. Though perhaps conceived of differently by each spoke, the Maker nevertheless remains fundamental to the wheel's support and movement."

"In conformity with the wagon wheel symbolism, the spokes of the wheel should remain distinct. The Apsaalooke [Crow] envision themselves as unique from the Cheyenne, just as the Cheyenne are unique from non-indians. Each people has been given its own gifts... Each individual is recognized for his or her unique attributes, for the gifts that are his or hers alone. These distinctions should be maintained, for the strength of the entire wheel depends on the integrity of each of its parts."

- Imagine a world where people were encouraged to be themselves. To cherish who they are and what they have to offer this world; to respect others and their talents, abilities, and attributes. Each person has a sacred story to tell. When we disregard our own stories, or the stories of others, the integrity of the wheel [or community/society/nation/world] is weakened. Take a moment to recognize your gifts, unique attributes and character, your history. Write them down. Cherish them. Share them.
The Maker is just that: a maker. We were made to be unique, not to fit into a common mold. Break the mold and let your light shine.

"A choice is made. A consequence awaits. As a "Hub" each individual acts upon the world, choosing a course of action, and creating a path. The very words one chooses help to bring the path about. Medicine can be directed to cure or "to take the arm." A name can nurture or cripple. As a story is being told, a listener can become part of Burnt Face's adventure, or elect not to listen. A choice is made. A consequence awaits."

- We choose our fate. We choose our path. Imagine the power that lies in those truths. We have been given the opportunity to choose - timshel. What we choose will have an eternal impact on the world, and it is up to us whether it will be a positive impact or a negative one.

- The Medicine Wheel is essentially a call for balance. Balance in all things:
     - Emotional, Spiritual, Mental, Physical
     - Body, Spirit, Earth, Animals
     - Education, Work, Personal, Spiritual
- Balance does not mean equal time given to each aspect, but is, instead, a healthy connection to each. 

The Circle


"The Oglala believe the circle to be sacred because the Great Spirit caused everything in nature to be round except stone. Stone is the implement of destruction. The sun and the sky, the earth and the moon are round like a shield, though the sky is deep like a bowl. Everything that breathes is round like the body of a man. Everything that grows from the ground is round like the stem of a tree. Since the Great Spirit has caused everything to be round, mankind should look upon the circle as sacred for it is the symbol of all things in nature except stone... It is also the symbol of a year. The day, the night, and the moon go in a circle above the sky. Therefore the circle is a symbol of the divisions of time and hence the symbol of all time."

- The circle is a great symbol. The symbol of eternity and time. A reminder to use your time wisely and carefully. It is a symbol of life. To cherish it and to make the most of it. To not take life when unnecessary, and to serve life when able.
- The circle has no edges, and is thus symbolic of a perfected life: the ultimate goal. To become well rounded in all things, to be unified, to smooth all rough edges, and to become what God wants us to become.
- Essentially, the symbolism of the circle is too far-reaching to be explained here.


The Color Red


- Red is symbolic of many things:
     - Courage / Strength
     - Sacrifice
          - Remember the principle and doctrine of the Great Sacrifice of our Savior Jesus Christ. He made it possible for us to find eternal happiness and salvation. His sacrifice was a vital example for us to live by, teaching us the importance of love, peace, and charity. A reminder for me to sacrifice wants and desires for a greater good.
     - Emotion
          - It is ok to display emotion. Real men care.
     - Power
     - Passion
     - Fire
          -  The concept of fire is important to me. The smallest of flames has the potential to cause a great change - consuming entire forests - and, if left alone, could consume continents. I don't share this to portray the destructive quality of fire, but rather to show that with the light (or "flame") within us, we have the potential to change the world. As small and insignificant we seem to be, we can actually have a major impact on the course of history. 
          - "Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." - Matthew 5: 14-16
     - Life / Health
     - Blood
          - Let the truths, beliefs, and values that I hold flow through my veins just as the very blood within me. As I do so, they will act as a life-source, giving me strength and power.

The Foot


- The foot was symbolic for me in the concept of a pathway, a way of life. Just as the truths and values should flow through my veins, I should strive to daily walk in that path: the path of those things mentioned above. I should STAND my ground in defense of those things as well. STAND tall for those things I believe, for balance, courage, change, etc.


The Color White


- The most obvious symbolism of this color is that of purity and cleanliness. A constant need for rebirth and renewal. A reminder that the past can be forgotten and forgiven.
- Other symbolic attributes that pertain to this post are as follows:
     - Peace
     - Life
          - Through Christ, all shall live again. Also, a symbol and reminder to always value life, and to live life to the fullest.
          - Live and let live. Nobody has the same understanding/attitude/ideology toward certain things. Just as you would wish that others respect your opinions, respect theirs.
     - Healing
          - Not only physical healing, but emotional and spiritual healing as well. 
- All of these meanings are intertwined to sum up a concept.


The Wrist


- The wrist is one of the most common places to test one's pulse. With that said, it can represent life. [See "Life" under "The Color White"]


Remember


- For significance, click HERE.

Alas, I will close. I hope this was a beneficial read for you. If you have any questions, please let me know. I apologize for the series of lengthy posts...

With this, I close mine epistle on symbols.