Conceptual thought can be perceived as a miracle. Have you ever made the attempt to encapsulate a miracle? This is my attempt...
Showing posts with label poetry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label poetry. Show all posts

15 August 2011

Come September


Who I Am is not Who I’ve Been
And I wonder if Who I’ve Been will return
‘Cause Who I Am is under my skin

I tend to worry in times like these
If Who I’ll Be is anything like Who I’ve Been?
If he’s like Who I am, I’ll be quite displeased.


To another dimension that others don’t see
Something needs to happen to Who I Am
He needs to go so I can know Who I’ll Be.

Come September, if Who I’ll Be is like Who I Am
Who I am is Who I’ll Be, and Who I’ll Be won’t be
At least that’s the prayer: May Who I Am be free.

20 May 2011

[Name Unavailable for the Sake of the Reader]

I have been here before.
Same thoughts.
Same emotions.
Same expletives.
Well, maybe different expletives.
This time, more intensive.

When I say I wanna escape,
Words can't describe
The direction.
The rapidity.
The destination.
Needless to say,
Who I've been hates who I am.

Who I've been hates who I am.
Discover the paradox displayed.
Thoughts.
Emotions.
Direction.
Destination.
Decipher the obvious or let me be.

18 May 2011

The Sorrowing of the Damned*

This is the sorrowing of the Damned: That promised grace was pulling me away from the world, so I let go and came crashing down. So much for a loving God with outstretched arms promising me mansions and a glorious crown. I feel betrayed by the One with so-called arms unfurled.

We swore by the Heavens and the throne of God that we would lie and murder to avenge our brothers who were lied to and murdered. In the name of the Almighty, we cursed our enemy and retaliate. Now we struggle by the sword for our lives & curse God for not being on our side.


I'm left here, drenched in sin - I thought for sure I would win. Living the dream promised by the Lawless One is not what it seems. All that is left is to curse the Man on High, wishing I could die. Now I'm down, I'm slammed. This is the sorrowing of the Damned.








*(Mormon 2: 12-14) During a study session on my mission, A few scriptures in the book of Mormon stuck out to me - showing me the contrast of a true follower of Christ and one struggling in the faith. The Sorrowing of the Damned is from the side of those struggling. To come (hopefully): The Cries of the Unashamed, which displays the attitude of the true disciple. 

10 February 2011

"Et Tu, Brute?"

There comes a time in everyones lives that they feel a sense of utmost betrayal, not from any outside source or being, but from the innermost crevices of our own soul.

Or maybe its just me...

03 February 2011

O Captain! My Captain!

Through fearful trips thou lead us onward.
Through thick and thin, till journey's end.
The anchors been dropped, but rises again,
O Captain! My Captain! Thy vision is wearing.

Setting sail in daunting times,
Fear is cast in the hearts of thy crew.
The prize sought has bred tyranny and demise.
O Captain! My Captain! Return to virtue.

From fearful trip, the victors ship masks what it has done.
Success, perhaps, yet the truth cries from its grave.
O Captain! My Captain! Whom I've been taught to revere.
No longer does thy authority preserve thee.

The captain may change but the message remains,
O Captain! My Captain! Let Madame Justice carry thy fate.
For thee we call; eager now for thy reply:
Wilt thou go down with the ship or without thy soul?

29 January 2011

The Urge To Write, or, Why A Memoir, Rogue?

When the world sleeps, I sit at my computer with the urge to write. I want to share all, but I am constantly left with an empty window, a blank canvas. Topics overflow in my head throughout my days, but when I want to let them out, they disappear. Some of the topics that arise in my overused mind are those same topics that I cannot create the words to describe how I feel, or even those that are not for the public eye. What is a self-proclaimed writer to do?!

---

Plenty to listen, none to hear.
Plenty to prescribe, none to heal.
If a flare shot through the night sky
it wouldn't be seen, but with a blind eye.

---

After the post of my first official memoir, "What's in a Name," I was asked by a few people to explain the name of my blog. The words "memoir" and "rogue" have many definitions, many of which are antagonists to my cause. For the sake of digging myself out of a hole that I have gotten myself in, I will take it upon myself to point out the true definitions I was going for. After all, I did think long and hard of a good name for the blog and my writings.

From the New Oxford American Dictionary:

  • memoir |ˈmemˌwär; -ˌwôr|
    • noun
    • A historical account or biography written from personal knowledge or special sources
      • An autobiography or a written account of one's memory of certain events or people.
    • An essay on a learned subject
      • The proceedings or transactions of a learned society
  • rogue |rōg|
    • noun
    • A dishonest or unprincipled man
      • a person whose behavior one disapproves of but who is nonetheless likable or attractive
    • An elephant or other large wild animal driven away or living apart from the herd and having savage or destructive tendencies
      • a person or thing that behaves in an aberrant, faulty, or unpredictable way
      • an inferior or defective specimen among many satisfactory ones, esp. a seedling or plant deviating from the standard variety

The bolded parts of the definitions are the purpose for my choosing each word - despite the fact that some would call me a large wild animal and/or dishonest and unprincipled. 

Maybe I should have thought a little longer and harder?

---

I may or may not have just covered one of my bedroom walls with a quote right now IF I had paint. Just throw it on the wall. Like, "BAM! There's a quote on my wall!" What quote, you ask?
A quote by a gentleman by the name of Mr. Winston Churchill. It goes a little somethin' somethin' like this:

"Never give in. Never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."

Thanks for tempting me, Sir Winston. Good day.

19 January 2011

The Darkest Hour

So, I wrote this last night at 1:00am. Don't look too much into it...


Emotionless
Blank stares,
like x-ray vision,
looking off into oblivion
Into my own fears, regrets and wishes.

Trapped
in the hustling and the bustling
of the day, week, month, year.
In the silence and lonesome that haunts me

Nostalgia
It hurts and heals,
Develops and destroys.
I wish for nothing less than a pause
- A stand still -
Rather, decay consumes.

I digress.

--------------------

You think it sounds good.
Your thoughts deceive you.
There is nothing good about it - 
other than its sickening truth
written between the lines
and on my heart
[with pins and needles and sleepless nights]

--------------------------

Anyway, we have been interviewing candidates for the Student Senate this week and will finish up tomorrow. There have been some great people to come through the doors. I am bummed I can't take them all. We decided to spice things up in the interviews, and did so by adding an interview question: "If you could have a superpower, what would you have and why?" Its great to see everyones face lighten up when we ask the question (I know, we are so intimidating - and/or dry - in our interviews). I thought about it for myself and came up with a superpower. Unfortunately for you [if you want to consider it unfortunate], I am not gonna share it today. You will just need to wait until my next post, and I will write ALL ABOUT IT. Until then, what superpower would you have and why?

Over and out. 

10 January 2011

The Hardest Button to Button...

The road has been an uneven one - A trial of my own device.
I chose the path more commonly traveled and it left me here alone.
The endowments of the route had a costly price.
That which seemed clear from a distance was simply overgrown.

---

**I get in these writey moods and don't always know what to do with them. So disregard if you will. Or try to somehow make sense of them.

---

A chapter ends while a new one begins.
The setting remains the same while some things change.
New characters, new plots, new challenges.
Its hard to keep up with the new and make the old hold true.

---

I can't escape the chill of winter by retreating to the warmth of a fire.

---

Wow. Ok. Move right along to the next post please! I just wrote it before this one! It makes a LITTLE more sense than what is written above. Thanks.