The Urge To Write, or, Why A Memoir, Rogue?

When the world sleeps, I sit at my computer with the urge to write. I want to share all, but I am constantly left with an empty window, a blank canvas. Topics overflow in my head throughout my days, but when I want to let them out, they disappear. Some of the topics that arise in my overused mind are those same topics that I cannot create the words to describe how I feel, or even those that are not for the public eye. What is a self-proclaimed writer to do?!

---

Plenty to listen, none to hear.

Plenty to prescribe, none to heal.

If a flare shot through the night sky

it wouldn't be seen, but with a blind eye.

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After the post of my first official memoir, "What's in a Name," I was asked by a few people to explain the name of my blog. The words "memoir" and "rogue" have many definitions, many of which are antagonists to my cause. For the sake of digging myself out of a hole that I have gotten myself in, I will take it upon myself to point out the true definitions I was going for. After all, I did think long and hard of a good name for the blog and my writings.

From the New Oxford American Dictionary:

• memoir |ˈmemˌwär; -ˌwôr|
• noun
• A historical account or biography written from personal knowledge or special sources
• An autobiography or a written account of one's memory of certain events or people.
• An essay on a learned subject
• The proceedings or transactions of a learned society
• rogue |rōg|
• noun
• A dishonest or unprincipled man
• a person whose behavior one disapproves of but who is nonetheless likable or attractive
• An elephant or other large wild animal driven away or living apart from the herd and having savage or destructive tendencies
• a person or thing that behaves in an aberrant, faulty, or unpredictable way
• an inferior or defective specimen among many satisfactory ones, esp. a seedling or plant deviating from the standard variety

The bolded parts of the definitions are the purpose for my choosing each word - despite the fact that some would call me a large wild animal and/or dishonest and unprincipled. 

Maybe I should have thought a little longer and harder?

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I may or may not have just covered one of my bedroom walls with a quote right now IF I had paint. Just throw it on the wall. Like, "BAM! There's a quote on my wall!" What quote, you ask?

A quote by a gentleman by the name of Mr. Winston Churchill. It goes a little somethin' somethin' like this:

"Never give in. Never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."

Thanks for tempting me, Sir Winston. Good day.

Enigma of Now

Hmmm...

What to say. I have bottled up emotions, but I don't know if this is the time or the place. I am more worried about the place though. Anyway, while I have you here, might you humor me to read of my day? [found below]

Due to a broken vehicle, I was blessed with the opportunity of waking up uncomfortably early for a ride with the father to school. The alarm clock went off at 6:30, just for your information so you have an opportunity to feel my pain. Upon arriving at the school, I was able to get some things done for my meeting today, which was actually beneficial (I guess waking up so early wasn't THAT bad).

Class, class, meeting, work, hang out.

{Confession: My Biology class gives me anxiety. Every time I think about it, I get really nervous. I am so unbelievably OBLIVIOUS to anything biological. I go to class and stare at the front of the room in utter confusion as the teacher rambles on about mitochondria, chlorophyll, etc. I have my hands on my keyboard, ready to take notes at a moments notice, but at the end of class, I have nothing written. I just don't get it. I am sure I am being over dramatic (to some extent), but I am just really nervous about what this semester will bring. This is my last class to graduate, and I think I made the mistake of waiting until now to take it (you know... in case I need to take it again...). On a (semi) brighter note, I got my grade back for my first Biology exam. I got an 81.67%, which is probably the worst grade I have gotten on an exam for a long long time. But I didn't fail. So I am happy about that.

Oh, and ps - We went over chlorophyll today and I HAD to tweet the Billy Madison quote: "Chlorophyll?! It's more like BOREophyll!" Good times... "Let's get on with the BOREophyll!" }

I must say that my meeting today was one of the craziest ones I have had in a while. It was the first senate meeting for all the new senators, and we didn't have our advisor, and it was just a little off the wall! I hope they didn't get the wrong impression! But hey, we still got a bunch of stuff covered, so I am satisfied. I will now commence in my plug: The SLCC Student Senate is the greatest bunch of people EVER! I love working for them and with them. The work I do is not always easy or fun, but it is so worth it because of who I work with/for. Salt Lake Community College is an AMAZING school, and I am grateful to be a part of it. When people hear that it is a community college, they are automatically turned off, but that is their loss, because it is the best community college in the nation - heck, maybe even the world! Go Bruins!

Lastly, I had a nice chat with a close friend of mine today. We talked about the good, the bad, and the ugly. I am grateful for awesome friends who take such an incredible interest in the welfare of others. I am one lucky sucker. All apologies for those who are my friends - I'm not so welfare-ish. Just one selfish brute. Anyway, to top it off, we spent roughly a half hour playing a game on the iPads in the bookstore where you kill zombies with plants. If you have an iPad, go buy it. Prepare yourself (and your garden) for the Zombie Apocalypse.

Cheers.

What's In A Name?

Sometimes I get in writing monsoons, and sometimes I get in writing droughts. The past few days have been a drought. Currently, we are in a monsoon. Two posts within 24 hours. Dang.

Now that we have that out of the way...

Though I am up and down on the spirituality meter, I like to think of myself as a spiritual guy. Yeah, I often do stupid things that God would frown upon, but I still have my faith. Most of my posts have at least a mention of something spiritual, and depending on my audience or group of people I am with, I will talk more or less about spiritual things. But when I am staring at a screen with oblivion ahead of me to fill, I feel open and willing to discuss almost anything. Almost. 

[DISLCAIMER: For the non-religious and/or non-spiritual, this post deals with my musing on what I see as spiritual matters. Regardless, I perceive the information presented as beneficial to those on every level of the spiritual spectrum to pull from, whether Atheist, Agnostic, Wiccan, Pagan, Christian, Muslim, Hindu, and/or the Religious Zealot. What I mean to say is, just because I mention spirituality doesn't mean you should stop reading. Hopefully you will get something out of it!]

Maybe if I stop going off on tangents, I might eventually get to my main points. Well, spiritual me went to a spiritual class tonight. The spiritual topics got my spirit senses tingling. Let the memoir commence:

Memoirs of a Latter-Day Rogue: What's In A Name?

A name is more than a combination of letters on a birth certificate. A name is a sacred thing. It is your identity. It is how people address you and get to know you. It is the one label that we tend to cherish above all else - One has a sense of fame and utmost value as their name is remembered by peers and acquaintances. Memories, histories, likes and dislikes, hobbies, preferences, and the epitome of THE INDIVIDUAL is wrapped up in a name. 

My name is Peter C. Moosman.

If you want to get down to the nitty gritty, you could say my name is Peter C. Moosman, Child of God and Disciple of Christ, Member of the LDS Faith, Executive Vice President of Salt Lake Community College, Citizen of the United States of America, et al.

Quite the name, eh? The interesting thing is that it is longer (and living). Yup, you got it. It changes constantly. Some of you have probably caught on to what I am saying, while others may be a little confused. Let me explain. 

Every position I hold and every mantle I carry gives me a title - an extension of my name. I have a responsibility to represent it well. It is who I am, regardless of whether it is a weekend or not, whether I am well known or unknown. I can't escape it. 

If, by some miracle, I was to leave the country and visit a foreign land (yeah, I wish!), people would EXPECT certain behavior to come from me as a US citizen. I want people to see my behavior (a positive one, of course) and have a better view of the United States than they did before they met me. Likewise, I want people to have a better view of Salt Lake Community College, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, the Family of God, and even the Moosman family.

Not only do I have the responsibility to represent it well, but I must also live up to the expectation of the name I hold. When many people hear my name, they ask me if I am related to [insert name here] Moosman. I am told over and over again how I have great parents or grandparents. I do NOT want to diminish the name of the Moosman family and what it stands for: virtue, honesty, integrity, and every other positive characteristic the Moosmans have worked to uphold. 

When I tell people that I am from Utah, I am often asked if I am Mormon. When I say yes, you better believe I am expected to act just as a Mormon would act, including the busting of myths and stereotypes rather than reinforcing them. Every mantle has an expectation. Do I fall short? Do I get by? Or do I exceed expectation and revolutionize the understanding of that mantle?

Lets dig deeper.

My name is Peter C. Moosman.

Peter is greek, meaning "rock." Growing up, I HATED this name... who wanted to be a rock? My friends had names that meant "great warrior" and other amazing meanings, while I was stuck with "a stone." Luckily, as I grew, so did my understanding. I felt that my name became a calling. I was to be a rock: a firm foundation, unmovable and bold. To this day, I think of the characteristics of my name and strive to become a better person because of it.

I was named after Simon Peter, who was one of the first Apostles of Jesus Christ, as found in the New Testament of the Bible. Big deal, right? RIGHT. It is a very big deal. Peter was the chief Apostle and took over the church after Christ was crucified. He was a special man, one to be revered. He was so revered in his day as a Man of God that people would lay their sick and afflicted in the streets, having the faith that if Peter's SHADOW were to touch them as he walked by, they would be healed [Acts 5: 15-16]. He dedicated his whole self to the service of others and the glorifying of Christ. He was humble, he was dedicated, he was compassionate.

Though I will never achieve the capacity of spiritual progression and power that Simon Peter held, I do have a great namesake to be my example. I feel that with the name I hold, I am given a responsibility to magnify the name. Peter is not just a "rock," but an "unmovable, firm foundation, defending truth and goodness in all things. A bold defender of the Faith." Yeah, a big deal.

What does your name mean? How can you find strength, conviction, and goodwill within it?

Yes, the name "Peter" has quite the mantle, but imagine carrying the weight of the name of something greater: Jesus Christ. Whether you recognize Him as the Son of God or simply an influential storyteller, one who carries his name carries a hefty responsibility. This is the King of Kings, Lord of Lord, and Only Begotten of the Father we are talking about! Who wants to put a blemish on His name? Of course, nobody would. Unfortunately, I seem to mess things up more often than not... BUT I try to keep the name clean. When we slip up, we dust ourselves off and try again.

What am I doing with Christ's name...? Like I mentioned above, as I carry the name of Christ, I am given a responsibility to magnify that name. What did Jesus Christ teach? How am I living? Are the two in harmony? I am not just talking about the obvious things about attending church and wearing a CTR ring, but what about dining with the sinners and publicans? Loving the enemies and understanding the unbeliever? Recognizing the royal blood in everyone and cherishing the opportunity to learn, grow, and testify with them. 

To clarify why I am talking about having Christ's name: I believe that by labeling myself as a Christian, and a baptized member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I have essentially taken His name upon me. "My name is Peter Moosman, Disciple of Christ." Though I do not introduce myself in this manner, I do feel that my actions, character, and countenance should. That speaks louder than any words I could say on the matter anyway.

I hope I am making sense.

Now for the confessions.... I will be the first to admit that I am one of the farthest from "Poster Child" status for the aforementioned principles. It is quite the challenge to maintain perfection, you know?! Seriously though, I have had my fair share of  detours on the road to reflecting the message and morals contained within each name I hold, from the names on my birth certificate to the names I adopt through this seemingly nonsensical life. At times they are glorified, and others they are tainted. Regardless, I have the opportunity to pull from the power-source which is a name. My name. Peter C. Moosman.

One Of Those Days... Or Was It Weeks...?

I will post on Tuesday because it is still at a decent time in the week before anything else can happen!

Yup, you heard it right: it is one of those days/weeks.  But before you think anything bad happened, let me tell you that it hasn't been that horrible. I just like to be a little dramatic every once and a while. How can I really complain about anything... I have it so nice! Anyway, let me just delve in!

- Sunday rolls around and I have to teach Sunday School! I know, woe woe woe is me. I actually enjoy teaching, so the week started off great. Granted, I never think I teach well, or that my lesson goes slightly well for that matter, but just whatever. I felt pretty good about this week. We talked about prophets. We played the telephone game. Lots of class participation. I even made and brought a cup-phone! You know... two cups on a string... You speak into one and they hear what you are saying on the other end? Yeah, be jealous.

- Monday happens as most Mondays happen. I had a meeting (Faculty Senate - woot!). Then I had class, where we played some games in sign language, which was fun. Then, I had my Monday night class, Native American Culture. I don't know if I have vented about this class before, but I might take the pleasure to do so now! First off, it is taught by a white couple. With the little experience that these two have in N.A. culture, they feel like they can officially speak for every Native. Ever. Past and present. During class, they enforce every stereotype and ridiculous idea that anyone has about Indians. I sat in the back in misery. I will most likely be speaking with their department head. Just throwin' that out there! But hey, I am blessed to have the opportunity to not only attend college, but also to have the ability to learn new things constantly and voice my opinion. I am blessed to be able to attend college - and such an amazing one as well! Go Bruins! So, like I said, its not so bad!

- Which brings me to today. I was up till about 2 studying for a Biology exam, which I am pretty sure I bombed this morning. On my way to school, I slid into a curb and messed up my car pretty bad, making me late for my exam. Analysis of the damage: My steering wheel is nearly sideways when I drive straight. My tire is tilted inward. My axle or wheel arm is bent. Woot! At least I have a car to complain about. I am fortunate to have transportation to where I need and want to go! Go transportation and education! Well, I will be out of my own transportation while it is fixed, but that is besides the point.

See! So when I say that I am having a bad day, don't bother believing me... I have it made. An amazing college, an amazing job, an amazing car, amazing parents, an amazing family, amazing friends, amazing opportunities, amazing toys, etc.

Oh, PS, the legislative session started yesterday. I feel out of the loop. I don't know anything about my bills and the when/what/where/who/why. I hate that. But I am lucky to live in a country where I have an opportunity to have a say in what happens! I have a voice! And so do you! Go us!

I don't know if you know this or not, but I - along with the help of some great friends - started an organization called Project:1200 to take a stand against Big Tobacco and for Public Health. We do a lot of stuff during the legislative session, so you should join! Right now, "joining" consists of "liking" us on facebook. Do that HERE and HERE. Check out our blog HERE. Follow us on twitter HERE.

That will be it for now. Thanks for reading! I hope things are well for you, dear reader, and that my downer stories aren't scaring you away! Please come again and tell your friends!

Influence

So I promised that I would share with you my superpower [the one I don't already have...].

Maybe it is a really good idea, and maybe it is not, but nonetheless: I want the superpower to be able to allow or disallow any outside influence into my life. What I mean by this is that I want to be able to decide how I am influenced. Right now, everything I see and hear, do and don't do, influences who I am. How people/society/earthlings act towards one another, themselves, et al. Even supernatural forces influence me and my blessed subconscious. For better or for worse, I am a sponge. We are all sponges. Yeah, I said that.

Now, Imagine with me being 100% conscious of EVERY ounce of influence you obtain. I choose, you choose. Timshel. Now, don't get me wrong, I get to choose how I react to certain situations and I get to choose how I respond to people. But try to deny that we are all slaves to our habits. Habits control us. Oft times we are influenced without us even realizing, until down the road we catch ourselves doing the very act. Habit-ed / Addicted.

Or what about the influence of mass media and/or society. A lot of times I think I am my own individual, but then I turn around and see a handful of other people sporting the same style, listening to the same music. Was it my own individuality that decided to act or dress a certain way, or was it subconsciously embedded into my thought process. Woah.

Sleep on that one.

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Before I sign off (after all, it is midnight...), I just want to say one more thing. Today, we finished off interviews for the Senate. We got some stellar new senators. Unfortunately, we had to turn away a lot of stellar students that would have been stellar senators. Luckily for me, I had the opportunity to make the calls to break the news... Talk about one of the worse experiences. Ever. I hate the fact that I have to turn people away from learning and growing opportunities. Even more terrible: I had to tell someone face to face that they were no longer a senator (after a year of service). Regardless of who was in the right, it has proven to be one of the WORSE EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE. It is one thing to call up a stranger on the phone to tell them that they didn't make the position, but it is a whole different game telling a friend, face to face, that they need to pursue different opportunities. Bah. 

To top off the night, I just spent over 5 minutes trying to figure out which would be proper english in the sentences above: "worse" or "worst." I am still unsure! Who came up with this language, anyway?! 

The Darkest Hour

So, I wrote this last night at 1:00am. Don't look too much into it...

Emotionless

Blank stares,

like x-ray vision,

looking off into oblivion

Into my own fears, regrets and wishes.

Trapped

in the hustling and the bustling

of the day, week, month, year.

In the silence and lonesome that haunts me

Nostalgia

It hurts and heals,

Develops and destroys.

I wish for nothing less than a pause

- A stand still -

Rather, decay consumes.

I digress.

--------------------

You think it sounds good.

Your thoughts deceive you.

There is nothing good about it - 

other than its sickening truth

written between the lines

and on my heart

[with pins and needles and sleepless nights]

--------------------------

Anyway, we have been interviewing candidates for the Student Senate this week and will finish up tomorrow. There have been some great people to come through the doors. I am bummed I can't take them all. We decided to spice things up in the interviews, and did so by adding an interview question: "If you could have a superpower, what would you have and why?" Its great to see everyones face lighten up when we ask the question (I know, we are so intimidating - and/or dry - in our interviews). I thought about it for myself and came up with a superpower. Unfortunately for you [if you want to consider it unfortunate], I am not gonna share it today. You will just need to wait until my next post, and I will write ALL ABOUT IT. Until then, what superpower would you have and why?

Over and out. 

Around These Parts, It's Called "Growing Up"

A lot of my posts are about change. I suppose it may be due to the fact that I am changing: My [dis]likes, my style, my hobbies, etc.

Some say that it is because I am growing up. Whether that is true or not, I cannot say. Growing up or paying attention... whatever you wanna call it, it is happening.

With that said, the most recent acknowledgement to my "growing up" is a slight change in music likes... ok, lets get serious, it is solely dislikes. I have been listening to some music lately and thought, "you know what? I could never hear this band again and be completely ok with that." Let me share with you the list. Yes, THE LIST.

***Note: The bands mentioned below are all bands that I once listened to. Recently I have realized that, as mentioned above, "I could never hear this band again and be completely ok with that."***

Beastie Boys
"Sabotage" came on the radio the other day and I paused for a moment to listen to what was transpiring: The Beastie Boys are really obnoxious. End of story. They don't sing, but rather perform with a hybrid shout/whine/imitate a dying pig. There was so much random noise to serenade the awful tone of their voice that I had to change the station. Just then, all of their music replayed in my head, and it was far from a pleasant experience. My least favorite of the Beastie Boys is the song, "Girls." What a degrading, shallow, and tasteless piece of composition. Beastie Boys win the Most Obnoxious Music award.

Nirvana

Kings of Grunge, Nirvana is a poster-band for the 90's. Just like any other tragic death, Cobain's drove the band to new heights. If he would have maintained life, I am sure the band would have faded out quickly. Alas, it must have been the "clout" that Nirvana fans had in the music world that lead me to my acquaintance with the band, but I never seemed to connect with the obscure lyrics and what I consider to be the worst voice in music history.

Nine Inch Nails
I don't really have much to say about NIN, other than whenever they come on the radio, I find myself dry heaving and changing the station. All of their lyrics are negative and/or inappropriate, and the overall mood that is set while their music is playing is disheartening.

Jack Johnson
Every song is the same song with different lyrics. The same song. He might as well stop writing music and start with poetry. He has some decent lyrics at times, which could easily be transformed in some worthwhile poetry. Until then, maybe he can perfect his surfing skills.

Nickelback
'Nuff said.

Maroon 5
Their first hits were all about sex. I haven't really listened since, except for the fact that they are still writing cheesy love songs. They can't perform a decent show if their lives depended on it (yes, I have seen them live... and yes, I fell asleep at the show).

Owl City
I distinctly remember hearing Todd Nuke'em introduce "Fireflies" on the radio as one that reminds him of the Postal Service. I was stoked to hear it, because I highly enjoy anything Postal Service. I listened to "Fireflies" and loved it. I even loved it the second and third and fourth and fifth time. Shoot, I even enjoyed it the tenth time. So, I get my hands on a copy of the complete collection of Owl City, and was oddly surprised to hear the same song, over and over. Funny how that happens! The problem was, unlike Jack Johnson, the lyrics were absurd and pointless. You would almost wonder if Owl City is comprised of a guy in his parent's basement who wrote music on his computer in lieu of sleeping. Insomnia is a terrible thing...

Sublime
This is a bittersweet selection. To start off, I love their style. I love the genre and the feel. I just cannot stand the lyrics. The lyrics remind me too much of rap: sex, drugs, violence, repeat. Demoralizing women is their specialty (while high off drugs). Reinforcing stereotypes that men are shallow, drunk, and horny; that women are helpless sex slaves. Definitely not worth it. Sublime wins the As Tactless As Rap award.

Devo
Note to reader: I have never been a Devo fan, and never will be. I never had a period in my life that I listened to Devo music willingly. I just felt like they needed an honorable mention on my list. A band right out of the 70's who refuses to die, Devo decided to put out an album in 2010. Every time their single came on the radio, I had to scream, tweet about my disgust, and then scream again. Luckily for me, it disappeared as quickly as it surfaced.

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Ok, when I decide I don't need something in my life any more, I tend to tear it to shreds. I apologize now for the negativity towards these musicians/bands, but it happened how it happened. I suppose I will provide a Like list in the future to act as a yin to this here yang.

A Red Medicine Wheel is Afoot, Among Other Things.

Some of you will read this post as a nice view of various symbols. Others may see a deeper meaning on the choice of symbols presented. Either way, I hope we all grow a little more by the end. 

Each symbol explained has a special significance to me. I hope this is an effective way to present the information, and I hope that understanding will be achieved through my efforts.

[Words italicized are personal commentaries]

The Medicine Wheel

"The world and its peoples are but a huge wagon wheel, an eternal circle traversed by several spokes. The spokes represent various peoples and [cultures] of the world, each unique unto itself, yet none more important than another. None can be lengthened, none can be shortened, and none can be removed, because each spoke is necessary for the wheel to turn. Each people and each [culture] are necessary for the whole.
"Yet all spokes are united at the wheel's hub by the pervasive Maker, who is shared and touched by all. Though perhaps conceived of differently by each spoke, the Maker nevertheless remains fundamental to the wheel's support and movement."

"In conformity with the wagon wheel symbolism, the spokes of the wheel should remain distinct. The Apsaalooke [Crow] envision themselves as unique from the Cheyenne, just as the Cheyenne are unique from non-indians. Each people has been given its own gifts... Each individual is recognized for his or her unique attributes, for the gifts that are his or hers alone. These distinctions should be maintained, for the strength of the entire wheel depends on the integrity of each of its parts."

- Imagine a world where people were encouraged to be themselves. To cherish who they are and what they have to offer this world; to respect others and their talents, abilities, and attributes. Each person has a sacred story to tell. When we disregard our own stories, or the stories of others, the integrity of the wheel [or community/society/nation/world] is weakened. Take a moment to recognize your gifts, unique attributes and character, your history. Write them down. Cherish them. Share them.
The Maker is just that: a maker. We were made to be unique, not to fit into a common mold. Break the mold and let your light shine.

"A choice is made. A consequence awaits. As a "Hub" each individual acts upon the world, choosing a course of action, and creating a path. The very words one chooses help to bring the path about. Medicine can be directed to cure or "to take the arm." A name can nurture or cripple. As a story is being told, a listener can become part of Burnt Face's adventure, or elect not to listen. A choice is made. A consequence awaits."

- We choose our fate. We choose our path. Imagine the power that lies in those truths. We have been given the opportunity to choose - timshel. What we choose will have an eternal impact on the world, and it is up to us whether it will be a positive impact or a negative one.

- The Medicine Wheel is essentially a call for balance. Balance in all things:
     - Emotional, Spiritual, Mental, Physical
     - Body, Spirit, Earth, Animals
     - Education, Work, Personal, Spiritual
- Balance does not mean equal time given to each aspect, but is, instead, a healthy connection to each. 

The Circle


"The Oglala believe the circle to be sacred because the Great Spirit caused everything in nature to be round except stone. Stone is the implement of destruction. The sun and the sky, the earth and the moon are round like a shield, though the sky is deep like a bowl. Everything that breathes is round like the body of a man. Everything that grows from the ground is round like the stem of a tree. Since the Great Spirit has caused everything to be round, mankind should look upon the circle as sacred for it is the symbol of all things in nature except stone... It is also the symbol of a year. The day, the night, and the moon go in a circle above the sky. Therefore the circle is a symbol of the divisions of time and hence the symbol of all time."

- The circle is a great symbol. The symbol of eternity and time. A reminder to use your time wisely and carefully. It is a symbol of life. To cherish it and to make the most of it. To not take life when unnecessary, and to serve life when able.
- The circle has no edges, and is thus symbolic of a perfected life: the ultimate goal. To become well rounded in all things, to be unified, to smooth all rough edges, and to become what God wants us to become.
- Essentially, the symbolism of the circle is too far-reaching to be explained here.


The Color Red


- Red is symbolic of many things:
     - Courage / Strength
     - Sacrifice
          - Remember the principle and doctrine of the Great Sacrifice of our Savior Jesus Christ. He made it possible for us to find eternal happiness and salvation. His sacrifice was a vital example for us to live by, teaching us the importance of love, peace, and charity. A reminder for me to sacrifice wants and desires for a greater good.
     - Emotion
          - It is ok to display emotion. Real men care.
     - Power
     - Passion
     - Fire
          -  The concept of fire is important to me. The smallest of flames has the potential to cause a great change - consuming entire forests - and, if left alone, could consume continents. I don't share this to portray the destructive quality of fire, but rather to show that with the light (or "flame") within us, we have the potential to change the world. As small and insignificant we seem to be, we can actually have a major impact on the course of history. 
          - "Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." - Matthew 5: 14-16
     - Life / Health
     - Blood
          - Let the truths, beliefs, and values that I hold flow through my veins just as the very blood within me. As I do so, they will act as a life-source, giving me strength and power.

The Foot


- The foot was symbolic for me in the concept of a pathway, a way of life. Just as the truths and values should flow through my veins, I should strive to daily walk in that path: the path of those things mentioned above. I should STAND my ground in defense of those things as well. STAND tall for those things I believe, for balance, courage, change, etc.


The Color White


- The most obvious symbolism of this color is that of purity and cleanliness. A constant need for rebirth and renewal. A reminder that the past can be forgotten and forgiven.
- Other symbolic attributes that pertain to this post are as follows:
     - Peace
     - Life
          - Through Christ, all shall live again. Also, a symbol and reminder to always value life, and to live life to the fullest.
          - Live and let live. Nobody has the same understanding/attitude/ideology toward certain things. Just as you would wish that others respect your opinions, respect theirs.
     - Healing
          - Not only physical healing, but emotional and spiritual healing as well. 
- All of these meanings are intertwined to sum up a concept.


The Wrist


- The wrist is one of the most common places to test one's pulse. With that said, it can represent life. [See "Life" under "The Color White"]


Remember


- For significance, click HERE.

Alas, I will close. I hope this was a beneficial read for you. If you have any questions, please let me know. I apologize for the series of lengthy posts...

With this, I close mine epistle on symbols.

Books, School, and Life - Not Necessarily in That Order.

Good news: I am changing my major. No longer am I pursuing Political Science, but rather Humanities. This is a more applicable major to my career/life objectives. Thoughts?

More good news: I survived my first week of school! It will be an interesting one, for sure. I nearly went crazy trying to figure out what I want to do with my life... Its my last semester before I graduate. Am I going to a 4 year institution? Am I staying at SLCC? Am I going on an adventure for a year? Fortunately, I think I have figured it out (with back-up plans)! It is amazing how much better I feel now.

Prayer works, thats for sure.

So, I am taking two Native American Studies classes, right? One is taught by a Native and the other is taught by a white couple. It is amazing how differently they approach the topic. To be honest, the white couple is driving me insane... They are teaching the class that all Natives are the same... same traditions, same ideologies, same language, etc.

IT.MAKES.ME.SICK.

Luckily I have the other class to keep things straight. :)

My Biology class is worrisome. Not only am I terrible at hard sciences, but the teacher seems like a difficult one. Needless to say, I can really use some prayers!


On a lighter note, I was asked to put some of my art in an art show the other day. It will be in April, and along side my work will be art of all shapes and sizes from other local artists and even a few from across the nation! Pretty cool, eh? The host of the art show: a local art blog, ArtDuh.com

------ Above: Journal Entry --------------------- Below: Thoughts and Ramblings ------

As of late, I have been fortunate to have some time to just storm through a few books [Compliments of the Great American Bathroom Book].

This morning, I read The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer. Yesterday and the day before, I read Generation X: Tales For An Accelerated Culture by Douglas Coupland, and Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury. Before that: Uncle Tom's Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe, Great Expectations by Charles Dickens, East of Eden by John Steinbeck (of which I wrote about in a previous post), and The Enigma of Suicide by George Howe Colt. Lets talk about a few of them!

Generation X: Tales For An Accelerated Culture
- Read this book.
- "People gripe that it's some horrible curse against society not to work a creepy job that has no loyalty to you and is killing you... But... I'm happy to know there are dreamers out on the edge, characters out of key, in and out of love, drifting, slightly twisted, still willing to listen - childlike and full of wonder with their world - people I would consider my friends."
- "Either our lives become stories, or there's just no way to get through them."
- "I can't remember whether I said thank you."

Something Wicked This Way Comes
- "They... change you so no one ever knows you again."
- The carnival was evil, and those in it survived by "living off the poison of the sins we do to each other, and the ferment of our most terrible regrets."
- The quotes above make an interesting connection to one another. First, the carnival survives off sins and regrets. The carnival then changes people, becoming unknown to others.
     This is our life, sans evil carnival. The more we dive into sins and regrets, the more we are changed. They create within us a monster that consumes our being and fills the void with Unknownness. A darkness is apparent - if not a physical change that occurs.
     Likewise, when one avoids sins and terrible regrets and pursues positivity and enlightenment, they are also changed. Only this change doesn't create a stranger, but rather a reliable and trustworthy "amigo-monger" (I totally just made that word up... love it. spread it.). Remove the repelling darkness and replace with the attractive light. Familiarity is created, as opposed to the unknownness from sin. INTERESTING!

Uncle Tom's Cabin
- Things to learn from Uncle Tom:
     - Rely on God, no matter how bad it gets.
     - Kindness first, regardless of the consequences.
     - Kindness second, regardless of the consequences.
     - Stand up for what you believe, even if you stand alone.
     - Your reward may not be instant, but it will be lasting.
          - "Think of your freedom every time you see Uncle Tom's cabin; and let it be a memorial to put you all in mind to follow in his steps, and be honest and faithful and Christian as he was."

I want to write a little bit about Great Expectations and The Enigma of Suicide, but I can't write any more today... Which is probably a good thing for both of us! This is, after all, a ridiculously long post. I would love for you to leave your thoughts, comments, questions, or concerns!

Cheers, yo.

The Hardest Button to Button...

The road has been an uneven one - A trial of my own device.
I chose the path more commonly traveled and it left me here alone.
The endowments of the route had a costly price.
That which seemed clear from a distance was simply overgrown.

---

**I get in these writey moods and don't always know what to do with them. So disregard if you will. Or try to somehow make sense of them.

---

A chapter ends while a new one begins.
The setting remains the same while some things change.
New characters, new plots, new challenges.
Its hard to keep up with the new and make the old hold true.

---

I can't escape the chill of winter by retreating to the warmth of a fire.

---

Wow. Ok. Move right along to the next post please! I just wrote it before this one! It makes a LITTLE more sense than what is written above. Thanks.

Timshel

My mind has been racing NON-STOP today. Spirituality, life-paths, school, and the like have all taken a turn deep underneath this nasty mop of hair on my cranium.

I shall start with the obvious: School starts tomorrow. I am both excited an nervous. Excited for what the future will bring me this semester; nervous for the responsibilities and changes that will take place throughout and at its close. You see, I am taking some (hopefully) great classes:

- American Sign Language 2010

- Human Biology

- Native American Culture

- Native American Literature & Experience

Despite the greatness of most of these classes, this is my last semester before I graduate... Then I am kinda lost on what to do. I guess we will play it by ear for a while, eh?

---

Spirituality. My favorite thing ever. It is what drives me (or kicks my butt when I am not driving). I really need to get back to where I was on my mission. It will be hard, but hey, this is the year of the Rabbit! THIS IS MY YEAR!

Anyway... The other day I read East of Eden. And when I say that I read East of Eden, I really read a two-page summary out of the Great American Bathroom Book. It was mediocre at best. BUT something really got me thinking... Timshel.

Lets go back... Way back.

So there is a little family: Adam, Eve, children. Sound familiar? Two of the kids, Cain and Abel, make offerings to God. Abel's is accepted, Cain's is not. Then God asks Cain,

"If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? And if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him." (vs. 7)

Now God mentions that he shall rule over sin. Some may interpret "thou shalt" as a promise that all men will conquer sin.

Next, we have the American Standard Version. Instead of "thou shalt rule over him," it has "do thou rule over it." This implies a commandment; an order from God. I think that this is a tad bit closer to what is correct, seeing as we are commanded to do many things. Yet, though we are commanded to do something, we are of the flesh - we are human. It is impossible in our state to succeed in such a feat as to completely rule over sin. In this case, we may find ourselves bargaining with God that "what you gave us was too hard. We were just incapable, so how could we even begin to try?"

OK, enough of me trying to make sense: I quote Steinbeck's East of Eden, 

"I wondered what the original word of the original writer had been that these very different translations could be made...

"Well, it seemed to me that the man who could conceive this great story would know exactly what he wanted to say and there would be no confusion in his statement...

"The American Standard translation orders men to triumph over sin, and you can call sin ignorance. The [KJV] makes a promise in 'Thou shalt,' meaning that men will surely triumph over sin. But the Hebrew word, the word timshel - 'Thou mayest' - that gives a choice. It might be the most important word in the world. That says the way is open. That throws it right back on a man. For if 'Thou mayest' - it is also true that 'Thou mayest not...

"Now, there are millions in their sects and churches who feel the order, 'Do thou,' and throw their weight into obedience. And there are millions more who feel predestination in 'Thou shalt.' Nothing they may do can interfere with what will be.  But 'Thou mayest!' Why, that makes a man great, that gives him stature with the gods, for in his weakness and filth and his murder of his brother he still has a great choice. He can choose his course and fight through and win."

[emphasis added]

So, here we are... in the 21st century, full of agency and consequences. This whole idea of timshel has kept me thinking... Though I have done a lot of stupid things (especially lately), and though I cannot choose the consequences of them, I can essentially choose my course and fight through and win.

2 Nephi 2:27

"Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto  man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself.

I wish I had more to say myself, instead of quoting others. But I can't. All I can say is that the ball is in my court [and yours]. We get to make the choices. For too long I have been making the wrong choices, but I am ready to make the change. 

Timshel, y'all.

[P.S. - One of the best bands - ever - wrote an AMAZING song called Timshel. Check it out: Timshel, by Mumford & Sons]

The only thing constant is change

When given time, a steady stream can create grand canyons out of smooth planes. The Saint can develop a calloused heart, while the Sinner can become the repentant prodigy. Alas, here I am, changed by those steady streams of life, the construction of the flesh and of the supernatural, covered in cracks, scars, and bandages - ready to keep changing.

With a new year and new resolutions, I thought it appropriate for a new look. I hope you like it. I would like to take a short moment to explain a thing or two regarding the change.

Memoirs of a Latter-Day Rogue is the title of a future compilation of writings on my seemingly peculiar musings. Though currently unwritten, each memoir will contain insight on what makes me me. With that said, I changed the title of my blog to coincide with said compilation because this blog will hopefully coincide with those musings.

If you take a gander back to the top of this here blog, you will see a bird flying near the title. Even thought it looks great and stylish, it has a special meaning. This special meaning will not be told in this post, but rather, told in a piece of literature published in 1970 - Jonathan Livingston Seagull. If you take the time to read it and apply it, I promise you that it will change you for the better. Believe dat.

Enough about me, go read the book.

Quick Thought...

So, I mentioned Project: 1200 in my last two posts... But I didn't mention one of the greatest updates so far! Last week, a friend of mine and I sent off the final paperwork for non-profit status to the IRS! Now we wait! Exciting!

Woot.

In with the Rabbit, out with the Tiger.

For those of you who are unaware, 2011 is the year of the Rabbit.
For those of you who are unaware, I was also born in the year of the Rabbit.

I think that means this will be a good year.



Lets look forward and reflect some, shall we?



The Year of the Tiger - 2010


Top 4 songs of the year:
1. Little Lion Man, by Mumford & Sons
2. Listen, Dear Friend, by Us Thieves
3. Handlebars, the Flobots
4. One Day, by Matisyahu

Top 5 bands/musicians of the year:
1. Mumford & Sons
2. Flobots
3. Peter Brienholt
4. Bright Eyes
5. Desaparecidos

Most influential month:
September

Top 4 largest single purchases:
1. Car Windshield
2. Apple Time Capsule
3. SLCC Granite Legacy Fountain Paver
4. Jawbone Jambox

Favorite Quote:
"Activism is my rent for living on this planet." - Alice Walker

Only trips OUT of Utah:
1. Crow Agency, Montana
2. Miami/Orlando, Florida



The Year of the Rabbit - 2011


Education Plans:
This one is hard... I graduate with my Associates in Political Science in the spring... so I have a few options and would love your input.
1. Re-run for Executive Vice President at SLCC and get more pre-requisites done for my Bachelors. This will provide more great experience doing what I love, an income, and a scholarship for school.
2. Head up to University of Utah and pursue my Bachelors degree there.
3. Move to the Crow Reservation and attend school at Little Bighorn College, majoring in Crow Studies. This is mainly for the experience of living on a reservation, studying Crow Indian culture, but could possibly assist in a degree if I decide to move toward Cultural Anthropology.
4. Take a summer break from school, move to the beach and be a beach bum. As ridiculous as this sounds, it is on my bucket list... I wanna give it a shot. Granted, I will have my car, my phone, and my laptop, so I wont be engulfed in a total beach bum experience.

Let me know what you think!

Personal Plans/Goals:
- Actually get my Associates, graduating with Honors.
- Get Project: 1200 up and running
- Write at least 5 editions of Memoirs of a Latter-Day Rogue.*
- Start and progress my Praise Project.**
- Increase in spirituality (A LOT)
- Maintain a healthy schedule, i.e., sleep, work, play, exercise, etc.
- Read and write more. I love to read and I love to write... I just don't do it enough! :(
- Donate my hair to charity


Well friends, I think that will be it for now! I hope that will suffice. I believe strongly in NOT WAITING until the new year to make goals and resolutions, which is why I have been planning and working on things before today. But the new year is a good time to help track things! You know what I am sayin'?

Take care, take love, take passion.

---

*Memoirs of a Latter-Day Rogue will be a compilation of writings on issues/ideologies/explanations/understandings of things that go on in my mind and in my world. Stay tuned.


**Ok, so I suck at showing emotion or gratitude or anything positive. After the passing of a friend of mine, I decided that I needed to recognize the greatness of people and make sure they know they are important. The Praise Project is something what will help me do that - little by little.