Inclusive Lexicon for 500, Please.

A long, long time ago - sometime last year - I was at the Utah Pride Center. I was there to support a friend's tobacco prevention organization to get LGBT young people involved in taking a stand against Big Tobacco. While everyone was standing around the pizza socializing, the conversation somehow shifted to how an individual wasn't afraid of doing something that the rest of the group wasn't willing to do (the details are obviously fuzzy...). This person ended with something along the lines of, "you guys are just p-----s" (Just trying to keep it G rated, but the word is a vulgar term for female genitalia that, today, is used as a derogatory term to tell someone that they are weak, unable, afraid, etc... if that helps figure out what was said). Another person quickly responded said, "let's unpack that word. What about this group is a vagina?"

While said somewhat in jest, the intent was to draw attention and critical thought to a commonly used word that others may find offensive, especially since it attaches a negative meaning (weak, afraid, etc) to an aspect of womanhood. This is similar to other common terms, like "gay" or "retarded." Of all the things to say, why pick something that is demeaning to a group of people? Granted, most people are using these words out of habit or because it is a common/popular term and are not intending to cause harm or dehumanize a group of people. They are used out of innocence or in an effort to fit in. But they often still make others feel uncomfortable and belittled.

Now that we have that established, I want to change pace a little and bring up the response: "Let's unpack that word." I tend to hear this phrase often when associating with "inclusive circles" and those attempting to create safe spaces. It is an effort to dissect a commonly used word or phrase and understand its true meaning and whether it was accurately used in the situation. Perhaps a better, less offensive word, could be substituted: a euphemism. So, when someone says, "that's so gay!" a common response would be, "let's unpack that word... What about this conversation/activity is homosexual? How is this topic dealing with anyone's sexual attraction? Did you mean...?"

You get the idea.

That critical thought is a soft approach to help minimize or remove future offenses. We all want to feel included and not many people want to be outright offensive. So, we talk about things.

And now to my main point: I feel that the majority of my friends and associates who are seeking to be inclusive tend to look past a few offensive words. While being quick to "unpack" how "that's so gay" can be offensive, these people are also quick to use often offensive swear words in their casual conversation and brush it off as "free speech" or "a matter of expression." Many people find swear words offensive, otherwise they would not be categorized as a swear word. Yet because it isn't directly affiliating a descriptive word of a group (i.e., retard) to a negative connotation (i.e., stupid, incapable, broken), it does not need to be "unpacked" and removed from one's lexicon for an unoffensive euphemism. Like I mentioned earlier, generally speaking, most people are not saying these things to be offensive, but many people are offended. Perhaps we can all work on being more inclusive by what we say...?

I hope I am making sense. Is this a valid concern? Is it a valid point of discussion?

Let's unpack this.

Ten Months Later, or, To Share Or Not To Share

It's crazy to think that the last time I posted on my blog was ten months ago. Life was terribly different back then as compared to today - though many of those around me will not recognize the difference in me, my life, or anything else for that matter.

But things are pretty different.

My current feeling goes something like this: a blend of fear, anxiety, excitement, and childish giddiness are burning in my chest, while my stomach turns with a sense of hunger and stirred butterflies. I want to smile. I want to laugh. I want to cry and throw up a little bit. But, I want to talk to someone about the great things of life and the joys of Jesus and the intense aloneness I have felt in the past.

I want to share it all.

And then, of course, that leads me to a greater fear that my words will fall on ears closed and boarded up, a mind unable to understand the excitement and absurdity that is my life. 

The reel-to-reel in my mind plays it out perfectly. I dish it out on fancy plates with silver spoons. It's devoured - with the guest begging for a recipe and the intricacies its existence! And the giddy fear with a side of excitement and a glass of anxiety are no longer kept to myself, but has been consumed and absorbed by someone else. Mutual confusion, euphoria, and honest terror of what the future brings. 

The experience is one for the record books, let me tell you!

The performance in my mind enhances the previous emotions to the point where I am comparable to a teenybopper who just got backstage to her heartthrob's concert.

Yet, without fail, the fear of a miscalculated sentence or a fatefully closed mind overcomes the delight of the played and replayed scene.

What is a troubled soul to do?

If it was anyone else sharing this experience to me, I would be ecstatic to say, "Go for it! What is there even to question!?" But, since it is me who has to do the talking, the faith has yet to overcome the fear.

On a lighter note...

My life is incredible. Aside from the battle waging in my heart and soul as described above, things are going pretty perfectly. I am overcoming odds and challenging systems. And, as cliché as it may sound, The Man Upstairs is all to blame.

If you would have compared the Me of June 6, 2012 to the Me of June 19, 2012, we would be doppelgängers on the outside, but antonyms within. I guess you could say that Who I've Been has claimed vengeance on Who I Am, so that Who I'll Be can rise to fruition. It's like a Hollywood blockbuster. For real. Maybe we could call it September Came.

There is something to be learned in His wise words: "Pray always, that you may come off conqueror." (D&C 10:5) "...Lift up your heads, and rejoice, and put your trust in God..." (Mosiah 7:19) "...Walk in my statutes, and keep my commandments, and do them..." (Leviticus 26:3)

Call it snake oil, call it placebo, call it the Truth of the Universe. Whatever you want to call it, it works more than you would ever begin to imagine. Go ahead, give it a shot. I triple dog dare you.

Confused yet? Good.

PS: Ecstaticism isn't a word. I tried.

Isn't It About... Time?

So... it has been 2.5 weeks since I have been home from The Vagabond Tour, so I figured I better finish writing about the last half of the adventure. Sorry it took so long, but here goes!

Day 19 - June 29:

If you remember, I had just picked up my car from the shop yesterday (June 28th). As I was driving around, I noticed a strange humming sound... So, the first thing I did was take my car back to the dealer that fixed it. I told him what the problem was, and headed into the waiting room to spend my day... HOURS PASS... The guy comes in and informs me that he checked, double checked, and triple checked, and found nothing wrong. The good thing was, I didn't lose any money over it!

I return to my trusty vehicle and hit the road to Chipley, FL to spend my last night in Florida. When I got there, I headed over to the McDonalds and met up with Travis Nellums so he could get online. Good times at McDonalds. Thats about all I remember of that day!

Day 20 - June 30:

I slept in and then headed over to the missionaries place. I visited with them for a little bit - seeing as they just returned from doing some service and one of the missionaries wasn't feeling well. I interviewed them for The Praise Project and then was on my way. They were some way cool cats, thats for sure!

Upon leaving their apartment, I hit the road for my next destination: Tuscaloosa, AL. I had found a facebook page by the name of "Rebuild Tuscaloosa" and had asked about service opportunities while I was there (for those of you who don't know, Tuscaloosa was hit by a pretty big tornado a few months ago, and are in need of some service). I got a response with some direction, so I figured that I was needed there.*

*Side note: About a day or two earlier, I was planning on heading to Cocoa Beach and Miami Beach, FL, but one of the great things about The Vagabond Tour is that I had really tried to leave everything in Gods hands and let him direct me. I had been looking into opportunities in Cocoa Beach and in Tuscaloosa, and God sent me to Tuscaloosa instead - and thank Him for it!

I arrived in Tuscaloosa as the sun was getting low in the sky. I found my trusty golden arches and set up camp in the dining area. One of the first things I did was get on the Rebuild Tuscaloosa page and see if anyone knew about volunteer housing! Unfortunately that wasn't in the picture anymore. Fortunately, people are amazing and have hearts of gold. A wonderful lady got ahold of me through my "volunteer housing request" and informed me that she had paid for a hotel room for me to stay in that night to figure things out for while I was here. INCREDIBLE PEOPLE LIVE IN THIS WORLD! To top things off, when I got there, the hotel room was NICE! King size bed, a little kitchen area, living room space... DANG! God is good.

Day 21 - July 1:

As great as the the king sized bed was, I left extremely too early. I headed to the main volunteer center to register, and was lucky enough to be sent to the TES warehouse that does all the main sorting. Sure the sorting wasn't the most exciting thing to do, but it was definitely a rewarding experience.

When the time came for the volunteers to go home, I decided to take some time to look around the path of the tornado. Pictures don't do justice for what a tornado is capable of. I was shocked...

I found my way to Mr. Tree, who is a symbol of endurance and hope through all the destruction. Afterwards, I walked around the neighborhood and took some pictures, looked around, and prayed for the people affected by the tornado. Lets hope that the rebuilding is quick, and those affected will find peace.

When it got too dark to wander any more, I made my way to a church parking lot to get my rest for another day at the warehouse!

Day 22 - July 2:

Bright and early rolled around, and I headed back to the warehouse to work! It was a nice long hot day. As time went on, the volunteers slowly trickled out, until I was the only one there. At first, I didn't really notice it, but I just continued to work. Finally, I started to wonder... I grabbed something that I had a question about anyway, and headed to the front where to ask about it. When I headed up, I got a warm, "hey Utah!"

I asked my question and then we got chatting. The conversation slowly headed to where I was sleeping that night. When they weren't satisfied with me sleeping in my car in a parking lot, they insisted on me staying at the warehouse. AT A TORNADO RELIEF DONATION WAREHOUSE! How great is that!? And how great are they?! Amazing people; amazing experiences.

The warehouse lights stayed on all night long. The warehouse was extremely hot. I went around the warehouse and grabbed a few fans and a tie. The tie to block out the light, and the fans to cool things down. I set up the fans around my sleeping space - a pile of donated beds - and tried to sleep. Hot. Loud. Bright. Uncomfortable. But I had a smile on my face the whole night. :)

Day 23 - July 3:

Church time! Church was an interesting experience, since the main service was in english, and the next was in spanish. Too bad I wasn't learning spanish back then!

After the service, I had the opportunity to go work with the missionaries for the rest of the evening! We met some great people that night. I gotta say that everything is great.

When I got back to the warehouse, everyone was already asleep, so I decided to volunteer myself to do night watch. You see, there are things all over the place at this warehouse. The parking lot is full with STUFF. All around the building there is STUFF. One of the volunteers watches the place at night, but had fallen asleep, so I thought I would make a few calls and watch guard while I talked. It was great! While being a security guard, I also felt the need to move on to my next location... So, I headed off to bed so that I could get ready for traveling!

Day 24 - July 4:

Happy Independence Day!

I hit the road and landed in New Orleans, LA, after nearly dying in a rain storm in Mississippi. And... I have a funny story as I was pulling into Nawlins. I had my map set for the French Quarters, but as I was getting close, nature called. I kept driving into downtown to look for a restaurant that I could use a bathroom, but there were none to be seen! I kept driving and driving and drove right through downtown and out the other side into a rough looking neighborhood. I figured there would be no restaurant around there, so I turned to start heading back toward the city. As I turned, I noticed a great big lady out on the sidewalk with a cooking pot bigger than me. She was cooking up a FEAST in that pot right there on the sidewalk! I was desperate, so I pulled over and shouted over her music, "Excuse me ma'am! Excuse me, do you know where I could find a restroom around here?"

"A restaurant?" she asks in her scratchy Nawlins accent. "Oh, like a... a..." as she made a flushing type hand motion.

"Thats the one!"

"Oh, son, you can use mine! Just pull over here."

So I pull over and she shows me to her bathroom. As I am walking to the door to head back outside, I just had to laugh at the situation. I am in Nawlins, using a strangers bathroom, while she is cooking on the sidewalk out of a pot that I could fit in. Things like this JUST. DONT. HAPPEN! It was too funny.

After a little chat, I was on my way to the French Quarters. Let me tell you, this place was PACKED! I should have known, but whatever... I drove around for a while looking for a free parking spot, and I think that if it werent a holiday, I never would have found one. Nevertheless, I parked a block or two off of the infamous Bourbon Street in a nice little neighborhood. The architecture was AMAZING! I loved it. I walked around to take a look at what was happening (I also snapped a few pictures), and was planning on getting my free hugs sign, but I just had a feeling that I shouldn't... So I didn't! Instead, I headed back to my car and had a little dinner. When it was late enough that I could go find myself a spot on the river for fireworks, I got out of the car, and was going to leave, but got sidetracked visiting with some nice people who were out visiting and enjoying the nice evening weather. The sun went down, and I made my way to the Mississippi. I found my spot, sat, and waited. I wasn't going to bother with the fireworks, since I am not a fan, but I kept hearing great things about the firework show that is put on every year... the Dueling Barges. Two barges come out on the river and put on the exact same firework show, a half mile apart. I wasn't too impressed...

After the show, I headed to my pre-determined sleeping space: A church parking lot. When I got there, I was quickly disappointed with a fenced off parking lot. :( Ok... I will just find another one... not. Every church that I could find was fenced off. Who does that?! It was getting late, and I was getting worried that I wouldn't find anywhere to sleep. Then I found it! Free parking! Granted, it was on the street and right outside a cemetery... but it was free! I pulled over, laid the seat back, and sweated myself to sleep (it was HOT and HUMID!)

Since I am so far behind on writing, I will break up my updates a little bit. Hopefully this is a good long update that will keep you entertained until I get around to my next one... I also hope that it will go a little faster than the current speed! I write too much! Sorry!

Anyway, God speed. I hope I haven't bored you to death... and... g'night!

Wow.

I don't even know where to begin... How 'bout the night of my last update.
So, I was giving my update of the day at McDonalds, right? About that time, I decided I might want to figure out what I was gonna do for the night. I figured that since I hadn't made any contacts that day, I better give up on the hope for a nice shower before bed on a comfy couch... I found a little Baptist church down the street and decided that it would do for a nice place to spend the night. I pulled in... it seemed safe enough... so I parked under a "TOW AWAY ZONE" sign and got ready for bed. I don't remember if I mentioned my state of being that night. I was sticky, sweaty, sunburned, tired, sandy, etcetera, etcetera. I felt worse than disgusting. I cracked my windows just enough to let some airflow in, but to keep bad guys out, and closed my eyes. Eyes open, eyes close... eyes open, eyes close. Open, close. It was ridiculously hot in the car all night long, the back seat of my car was covered in sand from the beach, and it was probably the most uncomfortable situation. EVER.

Bottom line: I didn't get much sleep.

Day 13 - June 23:
Morning came, and with minimum sleep, I took off to find a bathroom. I drove an awkwardly long time to find a gas station, and when I did, the gas station only had port-o-potty. There goes my chance for a sink bath! I was right next to the beach, so I figured I would walk down the beach to find a beach shower. I walked for quite a while before I found a shower, but I found one, nonetheless! Now that I knew where a shower was, I headed back to my car to get my stuff. On the way, I found a little place called Noah's Ark Beach Ministry. On the sign it said, something about a gift shop, free wifi, and concerts every night, so I decided to go in for a minute to look around. I met a couple nice people and took a look around the gift shop and was on my way. I got back to my car and started driving towards the beach shower, but decided to go back to the little ministry. I walked in and awkwardly asked for a shower. I told them what I was doing with the Vagabond Tour, gave them some flyers, and they showed me to a shower! I don't think I have appreciated a shower more in my life! I felt so so so disgusting, and to be clean felt like heaven!  I definitely owe Noah's Ark Beach Ministry some service! Great Christlike people that deserve many blessings.

When I left, I headed up to Panama City to meet up with Travis Nellums! We met at an LDS church, where it just so happened to have a zone conference going on! We went in and said hello to all of the missionaries, and I made some contacts to make sure the missionaries would let me go teach with them. :)

Then, I hopped in Sandy (Travis' car), and Travis drove around while I tagged along. We went to play frisbee golf, to the mall to find him some sunglasses - while there, we would talk to people about the vagabond tour and hand out flyers - and got something to eat. Oh, we went to every thrift store in Panama City... Dang! Then we went to play some volleyball with a bunch of strangers. When he was dropping me off at my car to go our separate ways, he casually says something like, "why don't you just come stay at my place for the next few days?" We discussed it, laughed about possibilities, and I ended up emptying my car and loading everything into his car... all at about 11pm in a church parking lot. I put my signs in the windows ("STAY POSITIVE, YOU'RE AMAZING," "The Vagabond Tour" and "Pray for the haters") in hopes that they would deter anyone from towing or breaking in. Once his car was full of my stuff, we hit the road to Chipley! I must say, while driving with Travis, we had some of the best laughs! He even laughed so hard that he spit his soda all over himself and his car. Today had one of the worst mornings of my life, and one of the best evenings. Funny how that works out! God is good.

Day 14 - June 24:
I would like to think that I slept in, but I honestly don't even know what that means any more! I woke up at my regular 8am-ish time... got ready, and actually snuck out while everyone else was sleeping to go spend most of my day with the missionaries. We went to do some service at a Habitat for Humanity thrift store. After helping out there for a couple hours, we were on our way, refueled, and went knocking doors. It started to rain terribly bad, so we went back to the apartment and had a "family study." We talked about mission statements / mottos, the Second Coming, the book of Revelation, and a few other things. GOOD TIMES! I miss my mission like CRASY!
I left after the family study to go have some fun in Pensacola with Travis. As I was walking back to the house from the missionaries place, I was the witness of a tragic accident. A little puppy was running across the street and got hit by a car. I still cant get the sound of the experience out of my head... ugh. It made me literally sick and I was in shock for a while. I couldn't speak. One of the worst parts was that the car didn't stop... they just kept going. Before I could get to the dog (it was still alive), the owners ran out to it and took it into the house. I just slowly walked with my hands going from over my mouth to my ears, to my forehead, to my heart... It wouldn't stop replaying in my mind. Please pray for that little dog. :(

Other than the above experience, the rest of the day was quite enjoyable. The 2 hour drive to Pensacola was hilarious (for as much as I could stay awake for)! We got to Pensacola a little late, but got to see a bunch of owls at a sanctuary before the sun went down. After that, we went to Swing Night. I felt like I walked into the 40's. People were dressed up in their swing garb, swing music was blasting through the speakers, and they had clips of old swing dancers being projected onto a big screen. Woah. It was an interesting night! I played Wallflower and people watched in this strange environment. There are perks to being a wallflower, people.

Day 15 - June 25:
The Panhandle Watermelon Festival! Woot! There was a parade in the morning, but I decided to bypass the parade so that I could do my laundry (hooray for clean clothes!!!) and try to get some writing in. It wasn't very long before they were back and we headed to the festival. I brought my FREE HUGS sign and we walked around for a while. I got about 20-25 free hugs, which is pretty good for being a total stranger in a small town! I also got a free oil change. The first person I gave a hug too was at a booth selling cars. He thought the Free Hugs concept was brilliant, and wanted to show his support to The Vagabond Tour, so he gave me a card for a free oil change. SCORE! Thank you so much, good sir!
We got some free watermelon, watched a watermelon auction and the top selling watermelon went for $700! A WATERMELON! That was the first watermelon, with the rest dropping about $50 each watermelon. Those are expensive watermelons!
After we had seen what there was to see and hug who wanted a free hug, we headed back (I stopped by to see how the dog was doing. It is alive and mostly well - just a messed up leg), dropped off the kids, and headed down to Panama City. We got together with some other people (5 of us total), and played some frisbee golf. Then we went and hung out at an ice cream shop. We had the time of our lives - laughing, joking, telling stories, etc. After that, we went back to the church to check on my car to see if it had been towed, but to our relief, it was still there! We hung out at the church for a bit, and I tried to convince Travis to sleep down in Panama City as a bum with me... but he wouldn't buy it. Bummer. They went on their way, and I stayed at the church. They had a little picnic area, so I got my "bed" together on top of a picnic table, and drifted off to sleep.

Day 16 - June 26:
I slept surprisingly well on the table! I felt like I had slept through a rainstorm because I was so wet from the humidity and morning dew, but it wasn't a bad experience! The only bad thing: My phone somehow broke. I don't know if I slept on it and broke it that way, or if the humidity/wetness had something to do with it, but now when I push some of the buttons, it does random things. Like, when I hit the "return" button, it opens the camera first, then the phone keypad. It is just one big mess. I hope I can still get it to function normally (other than the few newfound kinks...).
I got ready for church in the parking lot, and waited and waited for people to start showing up, but to now success. Someone finally pulled in, drove around and then drove off... then they came back and told me that they changed the meeting time. Hmmm... So now I am in the classiest McDonalds I have ever seen! Seriously, people. Let me describe this to you: there is a fireplace, a huge flatscreen tv on the wall, an X-Box and Playstation, really nice marble walls and tiled floors, leather armchairs, fancy booths, A bronze statue of Ronald McDonald, a kiddie section with hamburger chairs, etc. This place is intense! Oh, and of course, free wifi! :)

And there you have it! I hope I didn't bore you!

Until next time,
Peace.Love.Music.
Peter.Moosman.

Update Overload?

Its me again. I am finding that it is hard to stay consistently busy for every waking hour (especially when you stink and are all sticky and gross). Since it has been a challenge to stay busy, I am gracing those who actually read this with another update.

Day 12 - July 22:
Well, I found a place to stay last night, but had to be out by 5:30am. Something is better than nothing, right?!
Since I up so early, I went over to the beach and tried to sleep there for a bit. Harder than I thought! Beaches are hard... and sandy!
When I couldn't "rest" anymore, I got up and started walking down the beach, picking up any trash I could find - finishing when I realized I hadn't eaten breakfast and my stomach was hungry.
After breakfast, I went to the Panama City Beach Visitors Center to see if they could help me find some organizations to volunteer with the area. All they did was give me the phone book to take with me. They also gave me a $5 off coupon to Winn Dixie, so I went over there and got some more food to hopefully hold me up for the rest of my stay here.
I then headed for some shade so that I could look through the phone book and maybe make some calls... only to find that it is nearly impossible to find shade in this city! If there is some shade, it is "Private Property." Sad day... Luckily, I found one on the OPPOSITE side of town. I parked and started going through the phone book...
... When I was awoken by a homeless guy wanting money! The heat is exhausting and I had dozed off... Anyway, I was able to talk with the homeless man - Matthew - for a while, share some of my food, and interviewed him. It was a good time had by all!
After that, I decided to go back to the beach... this time to swim... for the first time in probably a decade or longer! And when I say swim, it wasn't so much of swimming or having a party in the Gulf... because it was pretty shallow for a ways out, and its hard to have too much fun all alone! Instead, I tried to have a somewhat spiritual experience... Just me and the millions of gallons of salt water. I stood in the water and felt the various pulls of the currents near my feet and near the surface, and everywhere in between. As the waves crashed into me, I found it interesting that I had little to no affect on them. They would pound into me and keep on going. A few thoughts...
- I am nothing. In the grand scheme of thing, I am totally nothing... just a small piece of something much greater. But, just like the ocean, it takes millions of single droplets of water to create the ocean. I am just a kid, but it starts with just one to make a difference that can change the world.
- Work with, not against, the stronger power. There is no way that I could fight against some of those huge waves. I would dig my feet into the ground, but I would still be pulled towards them. Why try to fight against that kind of a force? It was much better to lift my feet, float in the water, and rise and fall with the waves (except for the really big ones - then I would have to jump to clear them)
- Stay afloat. When I wasn't paying attention, I would get pounded by a huge wave, get salt in my mouth and eyes, and it wasn't much fun... When I was paying attention, I was able to move with the water - jump over the waves, move with the currents, and steer clear of the burning eyes!
- Laugh at the extra baggage. So, when I got back to my car, I realized that my pockets were not empty. When I put my hands in, I realized that my front pockets were full of algae, and my back pockets were full of sand. LOTS O SAND. I was puzzled at how that even happened, but had to laugh! Granted, I did not want that stuff to come back to the car with me, but they did. I could have gotten frustrated and upset, but that wouldn't have done anything for me, so I decided to laugh it off!

So, there you have it. When you look for learning experiences, you can get them! Even though I am not really enjoying the extra baggage of being sunburned, sweaty, sticky, and covered in salt, sunscreen, and algae.

Anyway, since I don't have a towel to clean me off from that experience, I decided to walk along the beach and clean again until I dried off! I got quite a bit further down the beach this time before I had hunger strike again... I headed to the parking lot of McDonalds, used their restroom to wash my arms off (something is better than nothing, right?!) and then headed back outside for a yummy dinner of canned spaghetti-o's, canned beans, and chips. Mmmm!

And now you know my day! I hope y'all aren't getting bored of this! It has only begun!

[Name Unavailable for the Sake of the Reader]

I have been here before.

Same thoughts.

Same emotions.

Same expletives.

Well, maybe different expletives.

This time, more intensive.

When I say I wanna escape,

Words can't describe

The direction.

The rapidity.

The destination.

Needless to say,

Who I've been hates who I am.

Who I've been hates who I am.

Discover the paradox displayed.

Thoughts.

Emotions.

Direction.

Destination.

Decipher the obvious or let me be.

The Sorrowing of the Damned*

This is the sorrowing of the Damned: That promised grace was pulling me away from the world, so I let go and came crashing down. So much for a loving God with outstretched arms promising me mansions and a glorious crown. I feel betrayed by the One with so-called arms unfurled.

We swore by the Heavens and the throne of God that we would lie and murder to avenge our brothers who were lied to and murdered. In the name of the Almighty, we cursed our enemy and retaliate. Now we struggle by the sword for our lives & curse God for not being on our side.

I'm left here, drenched in sin - I thought for sure I would win. Living the dream promised by the Lawless One is not what it seems. All that is left is to curse the Man on High, wishing I could die. Now I'm down, I'm slammed. This is the sorrowing of the Damned.

*(Mormon 2: 12-14) During a study session on my mission, A few scriptures in the book of Mormon stuck out to me - showing me the contrast of a true follower of Christ and one struggling in the faith. The Sorrowing of the Damned is from the side of those struggling. To come (hopefully): The Cries of the Unashamed, which displays the attitude of the true disciple. 

Many Moons Later...

Well, fancy seeing you here! 

I hope you didn't think I died or anything, because I didn't. I just quit writing for a while... No reason as to why, but it just didn't happen. I guess I was busy.

Anyway, I suppose I will update you on a few things since my last update in February (I think...)

Here goes:

- Washington DC. I was there for 6 days, and while there I had THE TIME OF MY LIFE. It was so crazy to be able to see the monuments, the museums, etc. with such fun people!

- Holi Festival of Colors. Great times throwing colored chalk in the faces of strangers, all while learning about and enjoying a different culture.

- Engagements and Weddings. I swear, people are getting engaged (and/or married) left and right! My long time PGF left me for another man and now they are getting married. My greenie from my mission got married. A neighbor or two tied the knot. Friends and peers that I have gone to school with... DANG.

- We had our yearly family Easter Hunt. We went all around the valley and ended up at the Popes Table. A favorite tradition of mine. Thanks mom!

- I was asked to be in an art show, so since the 23rd of April, some of my homemade shirts have been on display! They will be in the show until the 31st of May. Crazy... My stuff is feet away from a national artist, whose art is selling for over $1000. Holla!

- Attended many celebrations. From rock concerts to pow-wows. My Chemical Romance, Coheed & Cambria, Neon Trees, & more. I must say that the pow-wow tops them all!

- Conference and Mission Reunion. It is always so good to see all my mission buddies. I miss the mission like crazy! Ugh!

- I started the Praise Project. Nuff Said.

- Planned my Vagabond Vacation. I am counting down the days that I get to hit the road and visit 21 states, including crossing off a bucket list item: Be a Beach Bum. I will be gone for over a month - traveling the country!

- My good friend Molly Anderson got home from her mission in San Bernardino California. Welcome home!

- I graduated! I am officially an Associates Degree holder as of May 5th. I graduated in Political Science.

That is all for now... Have a blessed day.

Mr. Bin Laden, Thanks for the Reflection

Greetings.

Recently, I made a facebook comment about killing, Osama Bin Laden, and the significance of his death. It went as follows:

"Again I ask: Why do we kill people that kill people to tell people that killing people is wrong? So, Osama Bin Laden is dead. What does that prove? What did it accomplish?"

The following is an explanation of my original comment and a response to those who posted a reply.

My Explanation:

"Why do we kill people that kill people to tell people that killing people is wrong?"

I am a strong believer that taking the life of another is NEVER the answer - regardless of what acts and atrocities that person may have committed against others. Unless the Almighty Himself informs me to believe otherwise on certain situations, I will stand by that statement. If He said that "the worth of every soul is great in the sight of God," I will believe it - even if the individual is Hitler or Osama Bin Laden. It is not my position to believe otherwise.

I do not ask you to agree with me under any circumstance, nor do I have a simple solution for the blood that is shed on the sacred ground of this planet. I just ask that you respect my belief that taking the life of another is not the answer unless granted permission by God the Father.

"So, Osama Bin Laden is dead. What does that prove? What did it accomplish?"

I decided to ask these questions after reading the countless posts on facebook celebrating the death of this man, as if world terrorism and Al-Qaida ended with his life. Please first understand that I, in no way, shape, or form SUPPORT the acts of Osama Bin Laden. Though I don't think that Osama Bin Laden was a good person (to say the very least), I don't believe that his murder will stop the violence that Al-Qaida is committing - his death wont stop any killing. I don't believe that his murder will end terrorism or bring back the lives that were lost under his command. Thusly, I don't see why celebrating one man's death is proving or accomplishing anything. If it helps people find solace, then may they be blessed with that peace. When violence and terrorism ends, I will celebrate with the rest of the world. Until then, I will not celebrate at the magnification of violence and/or murder because it is from my side of the border.

"Rejoice not when thine enemy falleth, and let not thine heart be glad when he stumbleth." - Proverbs 24:17

If I am ridiculed for saying these things, then so be it. I am not looking for mercy - just to be understood. Some who read this will be not of my faith, but I still hope for understanding and respect for my beliefs. Some may say that it is impossible to live with the villain, and the only way to find justice and reconciliation is to kill. If it were impossible, why were we commanded to "love [our] enemies, do good to them which hate [us?]" Why are we commanded to "bless them that curse [us], and pray for them which despitefully use [us]." Even more, we are taught that "unto him that smiteth thee on the one cheek" to "offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloke, forbid not to take thy coat also." If you don't believe this to be more than a good story and suggestion, I ask you to reevaluate your faith. This is the understanding I am trying to have, and under that premise I ask: What does the murder of Osama Bin Laden prove and accomplish?

Once again, I will say that I am not asking for you to agree with me, but please have the decency and respect to understand me before jumping to conclusions. Thank you.

My Response:

Things heated up pretty quick after my post. Some took it as a personal attack to America or to their dignity as a human being. I, in no way, intended to offend anyone. Rather, I hoped to offer a different perspective than the unified celebration that I read throughout my facebook wall. I will now respond to the comments shared in reply to mine. If your comment is not found below, it was either covered above or included in the response to another comment below.

"Get out of America" / "Lets stop this world so you can get off."

I don't know how my comments suddenly made me Anti-American or even Anti-Earthling, but if that is the understanding, you are sorely mistaken. I am grateful to live where I live, though not always grateful for what happens around me. If people really want me gone, you can do a few things:

1. Send me to hell so I can enjoy the company of my fellow "non-patriots." I am ready to die, and if you don't want me here, take your own words as serious as you make them sound. 

2. Buy me a one-way ticket to Africa, a place to stay, and give me enough money that I can survive long enough to get my life in order in a new country.

3. Hire a hitman.

"You should ask Joseph Smith why he shot two people in Carthage before he died, or Captain Moroni why he fought, even unto bloodshed, why they did something so wrong."

Though I feel that this comment is comparing apples to oranges... no, apples to chimpanzees, I will say this: Joseph Smith and Moroni will be judged for the actions they committed just as much as anyone else. God has an understanding of each situation and He will judge accordingly. It is not my job to judge / condemn / justify anything... It is my job to live in a manner in which I feel is right - Which is outlined above in the "My Explanation" portion of this dissertation - and to share my beliefs as appropriate.

"Seriously with the hippie rhetoric? That dude has cost the lives of untold thousands of otherwise peaceful individuals. I celebrate his demise and am grateful for those who kicked his ass. If one man must die to prevent the death of countless others, I say he forfeits it." / This man has killed thousands. Maybe it is the "It's better than one man perish" thought. / etc...

I don't mean to be snide, but please refer to some hippie rhetoric I cherish:  http://tinyurl.com/3gr5hmw, http://tinyurl.com/3velcje

On a more serious note, may I refer you to some individuals who fit the mold of your definition of "costing the lives of untold thousands of otherwise peaceful individuals" : George Washington, Christopher Columbus, Andrew Jackson, Abraham Lincoln. These men are revered by Americans, but took part in the GENOCIDE of entire nations of Natives. So, how is Osama Bin Laden different from George Washington?

"If people sit idle and do nothing to stand for what is right. Then evil wins. The historical records of the world which include the scriptures account of the need to defend the rights of those that can't do it for themselves. For someone that professes human rights for peoples of South Africa and elsewhere on this planet your statement suggest the ability to convince a terrorist is simply to explain to them that what they are doing is wrong. It doesn't work that way. You are quick to challenge the efforts of so many but slow to offer a solution. I'm proud of those that serve for what they believe in and defend this accomplishment. I know that this is just one of many straws that need to be pulled but at this time, this action sends the message that we care about what has happened and what we are willing to do to stand for truth. We don't live in a box."

As the one who raised me in the LDS faith, I hope you will accept my strictly LDS response:

In the Book of Mormon, there was a group of individuals who buried their weapons of war because "they fear[ed] to take them up lest by any means they should sin." These people "had rather sacrifice their lives than even to take the life of their enemy; and they have buried their weapons of war deep in the earth, because of their love towards their brethren." And though they didn't know what would happen to them, they relied on the Lord. They didn't have a solution - along with various other believers, such as Adam ("I know not, save the Lord commanded me."), Abinadi ("I finish my message; and then it amatters not whither I go, if it so be that I am saved."), and Nephi ("I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do."), who relied on their faith and the plan of God to take care of the solution.

I believe that there are solutions that don't include violence or killing. If there aren't, I believe that we will be provided for as we do the best we know.

I have respect for military men and women that are willing to risk their lives for those things in which they believe in. It takes a lot to forsake your family, friends, and belongings to put your life on the line like they do - I respect that decision.

"I don't believe these ppl that support murderers, PETER!!! I don't believe you feel this way. Where were you when the TWIN TOWERS came down killing nearly 3000 innocent ppl? Look what YOUR WHITE PPL did to my LAMANITE PPL. You are saying that this ok too?"

I am NOT saying ANY of this is ok. I am shocked and hurt that anyone would assume that I would be supporting or even ok with Osama Bin Laden or the killing of anyone. As for the Natives, please read the reply to the question 2 above this one.

Let me ask this: Do you know who Joseph Kony is? He is a man who has kidnapped tens of thousands of children, raped girls and women, murdered tens of thousands, and displaced millions. His army has probably done just as much, if not more damage than Osama Bin Laden. What have any of you done to stop him? Do you know who Philip Morris or RJ Reynolds is? They kill more people in 3 days than 9/11. The thing is, it happens EVERY THREE DAYS. It doesn't stop. What is anyone doing to stop that genocide? What about the innocent life of animals? Anyone trying to stop that torturous killing? There are countless other problems that we are ALL guilty of being a part of, so before I am criticized for being idle and supporting murderers, I ask you all to look into a mirror and criticize yourself first. What are you doing to "bring justice and reconciliation" to the lives lost and affected here?

I am sorry that people have been hurt or offended by my original comment. I did not intend for it to go this far, but that is the price you pay for having an opinion. I will not delete my post, as I still pose the question, "Why do we kill people who kill people to tell people that killing people is wrong?" I still don't think that killing Osama Bin Laden will change much, other than the unfortunate solace people find in the death of an individual. I will repost this link, for it may have been lost in this lengthy epistle (http://tinyurl.com/3gr5hmw). I apologize for its length, but I felt that the explanation was much needed. Once again, I apologize, and hope that we can all still be friends with different opinions. Thank you.

peter.moosman.

p.s. - If there are spelling errors or grammatical errors, I apologize... A lot of writing at a non-conducive hour proves to have errors. And to be quite honest... I don't want to go through and check it. :)

Mass Entertainment, Society, & My Self

Welcome to Part Two of Memoirs of a Latter-Day Rogue: Mass Entertainment, Society, & My Self

-----

Influence. Control. Authority.

Brainwash?

We are living in a world inescapable of media influence. It is everywhere at every moment: Online, on the sides of busses and billboards, on the radio and television, on the clothes we wear and the things we say. Everywhere you look, there are money-hungry giants trying to lure you in. Being everywhere you think they are not, they capture most - hook, line, and sinker. Though I can easily deny being the subject of Mass Media's influence, it would be an obvious fallacy. One cannot live in America and be free of its control. This memoir will take a look into the one of the facets of Mass Media in America: Mass Entertaiment.

PART I: MINIMIZING INFLUENCE, or, WHY I DONT PARTAKE

Just because you can't live without the prodding influence and control of Mass Entertainment doesn't mean we can't minimize it, right?

I don't watch TV or movies (other than an occasional documentary and/or spiritual journey). Many people are floored by this idea, seeing as "watching" is such a mainstream activity. My reasoning behind my abstinence has many motivations which will be explained. Right. Now.

Subliminal Messaging. As much as it sounds like a joke, subliminal messaging is real. Granted, it most likely is not in the form of a man in a monotone voice repeating pleas to purchase a product, being played at such a quiet tone that you can't notice it. Rather, it is the verbal references the actors make. The clothes and styles they are seen in. The products being used or seen - also known as product placement. Product placement is defined as: a practice in which manufactured goods or providers of a service gain exposure for their products by paying for them to be featured in movies and television programs (New Oxford American Dictionary). Corporations pay big bucks to be seen on the big screen. If the stars are seen with a certain product, you can guarantee that product will have a high purchase rates afterwards.

Going back to the verbal references being said by celebrities and the styles they are seen in: How often are those who refrain from such forms of Mass Entertainment referred to as "out of the loop?" Media tells us what is cool to say, do, wear, and have. Just look at the trends in 12-25 year olds to see point proven.

Time Waster. The ultimate time waster is Mass Entertainment. TV, Movies, Video Games, Internet. They suck you in and before you know it, hours of your life are gone - never coming back. Wasted. What is even worse is when people get together to watch movies, thinking that it is building relationships. Since when did sitting in the same room in the dark staring at a box constitute as building relationships. It is shocking when people go on dates to movies. I just don't get it. That is time that could be spent on actually building relationships, getting things done, improving society, etc. But I guess people could say that about blogging... Hmmm...

Money Waster. Any form of Mass Entertainment is expensive.

A ticket to see a movie in theaters: $5 - 10

A purchased DVD: $20 - 30

A purchased video game: $30 - 60

This, to me, isn't even the biggest problem. Yeah, it is shocking that people would spend that much to see a movie on the big screen, but the problem I see is the money that goes into making such media. The money spent on the entertainment industry in one year could solve most of our nation's financial problems. Imagine the lives saved if that money went into prevention and research efforts. Woah. Yet, every time we pay for one of those things, we support the industry - regardless of their motive. 

Creativity Sucker. The more we rely on Mass Media for entertainment, the less we are able to accomplish creatively. When we don't know what to do on a weekend, instead of creating something or working our brain, we sit down in front of the TV, or go to a movie with friends. Instead of having heartfelt and intellectual conversation, how often do we find ourselves just talking about and quoting movies and shows? 

False Sense of Reality / Breeds Hate, Ignorance, and Stereotypes. Many people watch TV and movies to escape the world they live in. They create a new reality based off what they see. Fulfilled stereotypes, obscure views of love and friendship, the commonality of violence, murder, and obscenity. This reality is brought to the real world and perpetuated. If we had no media, I honestly feel that a lot of our struggles would dissipate after the passing of a few generations.

The next problem with this false sense of reality is that people escape to it instead of trying to fix the reality they actually exist in. Matters get worse when they are ignored, which may be one reason why our society is failing - we are avoiding the problem by watching a world that lives "happily ever after."

For the movies that don't end "happily ever after," they are most likely full of violence, greed, deceit, and obscenity. Why is it that we will frown upon the the killing of others, but turn around and pay money to watch the violence and brutality on the screen? Why is it that we frown upon promiscuity and immodesty, but will pay money to watch it on the screen? Why is it that we frown upon racism, profanity, and other forms of obscenity, but will pay money to watch it on the screen? 

Many of these points can cross mediums, from film to music to video games. It takes work to filter through everything to find what you REALLY want, as opposed to what is simply enjoyable. But when has filtering ever been a bad thing? And of course, not every point mentioned applies to all movies and all forms of Mass Media / Entertainment. One can use  their best judgement, make their own boundaries, and use their own filters. This is just my opinion, after all.

[check me out too!]

PART II: FLAWS IN THE SYSTEM

In America, there is an organization called the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA). This organization is in charge of the rating system for movies. While there are some major benefits to this rating system, there are also severe flaws. A couple that writes for the Deseret News wrote an article dealing with the rating system and its flaws. Instead of re-writing everything, please read the article HERE or HERE. For those who do not desire to read it (though it  is VERY worth your time), here is an excerpt:

"What we hate about the rating system is that it does not take into account the purpose or message or the moral of a movie. Thus wonderful movies with powerful moral messages and true heroes like "Schindler's List" or "The Shawshank Redemption" ... get rated R, while amoral and deeply offensive movies that "call evil good" or that ignore moral questions altogether (or make fun of them), such as the current "Little Fockers," get rated PG-13."

(shout out to Ashlee for showing me this article)

Some content in R rated movies is the same content of hit TV shows like CSI, Bones, Burn Notice, etc., which make me wonder what the justification is to watch it on the TV and not on the Big Screen. I feel that we leave too much of our decision making up to others (MPAA, critics), and not to our personal rating systems (beliefs, values). So the next time you decide on a movie based on its rating, I hope you will rethink and research.

PART III: CONCLUSION

This memoir is not a call to repentance for anyone. It was brought about by the many inquiries of my views on Mass Entertainment, and why I don't watch movies or TV. This is a condensed version of my viewpoints. 

I hope you may find something that rings true within this memoir that will help you shape your own views on Mass Entertainment and in bettering your self. If you have any questions regarding anything mentioned above, feel free to ask.

Thank you and happy Presidents Day.